An Open Letter to Betty (Featured Figmenters)

Dear Betty,

You’ve been living with me for a while now, and I have a bone to pick with you. When I brought you home for the first time three years ago, you were quiet – not a peep, never had a problem; you were on your best behavior. Now you howl every time the UPS guy shows up – the man’s afraid of walking anywhere near the house. The mailman too. You tear up my socks, chew up my shoelaces, and gnaw on the corners of my books. I can barely walk you because you’ve knocked me over chasing cats and squirrels. You knock my laptop off the bed when I don’t pay attention to you. You take up the whole bed and growl when I try to move you over. You had even neglected to tell me you drank out of the toilet bowl just before you kissed me. And to top it all off, you smell. I mean really smell. I can’t wash you often enough and lawdy, they don’t make shampoo strong enough. But I’m putting all of this aside because today is a special day. It’s your birthday! You’re an old lady of 10 years and I’m proud to be your “mom.” So, to celebrate, I’ve decided to share a few animal stories/poems by our very own Figmenters! I’ve really enjoyed them and hope other Figmenters do, too. Anyhoodle, I hope you have an awesome birthday.


Hunger by Nicole Santamorena The Girl In Question by Izzy Hannigan Animals by J. Charles Edwards
Woodsman’s Gold by Violet Degnan Ruby and the Moon by Kelly Lynn Thomas

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