“Bieber Fever” is a slow acting bacterial pathogen that turns people into zombies. I know it’s pretty shocking, but it makes all kinda sense when you look at the facts.
1: One of my best friends, who never gave a crap about Bieber, suddenly and without warning started ranting to me about how attractive he is. I don’t think it is a coincidence that she had seen the Beiber movie the previous night, and thus was exposed to a mass of previously infected people. She must have had a bad whiff of air and got infected.
2: My girlfriend, who gave many craps about Justin Bieber, got extremely angry at me when I refused to go see the Bieber movie, Never Say Never, despite its surprisingly high Rotten-Tomatoes ranking. It didn’t make any sense to her that I wanted to avoid being labeled as “the guy that willingly saw the Bieber movie” by my very discriminating friends. Trust me, if you saw her reaction, you would have labeled her a zombie in a heartbeat.
3: I used to be one of the purest Anti-Biebers out there, drawing small moustaches and/or Pirate features on all of my sister’s posters. Now I find myself putting My World 2.0 on shuffle and listening to it as I do the chores around my family’s farm. I actually kinda like his music, and I made a future date with my girlfriend to go to the movie. Yes, I will be wearing sunglasses and a dark hoodie to disguise myself (and to mask the green tint and rotting flesh associated with the pathogens that cause Bieber Fever), but I honestly think that’s beside the point.