Dear Miss Maude

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Dear Miss Maude,

I go to a secondary school where there are cool people, pretty people, and random people—i.e. me and my friends. I am more than happy to be a loon and laugh like a loon at lunch with them. But it appears the cool and pretty people have problems with our randomness. They laugh, murmur, and imitate us when we’re right next to them.

Is there any way we can freely convey our looniness to the world in a way that won’t make us laughingstocks among those non-appreciative people? Or is there a way to actually make people appreciate it?


A Puzzled Loon.

Dear Puzzled Loon, OMG:

Okay, so let me get this straight. You’re perfectly happy being a loon. At the same time, you want the popular crowd to accept you. Well, um, here’s the thing:

You can’t have both.

It’s kind of like that saying about art. “If your parents like it, you know it’s lousy.” Now, substitute “art” with “lunacy,” “parents” with “popular people,” and what do you get?

If popular people like you, you’re a LOUSY LOON.

Or, more to the point: not a loon at all. Seriously. Loons are outsiders. Loons are weirdos. Loons deviate from the norm. If the high school overlords aren’t laughing, well …

You’re just not doing your job.

You want to hear the looniest thing of all? Once you leave high school, pretty much every cool person you meet will insist they weren’t cool in high school. It’s seriously like a badge of pride.

And, in certain circles, a hard-core competitive sport.

So, I couldn't play any sports cause of my asthma? Yeah. I kinda spent all of 10th grade holed up in my room raising prehensile lizards...

Oh yeah? Well I had a lazy eye and wore an eye patch to school. Yeah. One time this guy poured rum all over my backpack and set it on fire...

Oh, yeah? Well, I was born pigeon-toed. And by pigeon-toed, I mean my feet are literally pigeons. It's basically why I had to move to New York...

Whatever, you jokers! I was never even born, okay? I'm a composite of wine corks, toothpicks, and reclaimed denim

Agh! Agh! Do you even SEE these weirdos?

We mortal loons don’t stand a chance!

Xo Miss Maude

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17 thoughts on “Dear Miss Maude

  1. XD I’m the weird smart girl who randomly quotes video games. I’m not a nerd, though, I’m not dedicated enough to being weird. I’m the…outcast of the outcasts…I BEAT YOU ALL! 😀

  2. HAHA, I am the so called ‘hit woman’ for my group of friends “The Nerd Herd” I WIN, Mawohahahahahaha!!!!!
    Don’t you try to out weird ME!!!

  3. So many people enjoy being weird that the popular students are pretty much the new freaks. Since strange is becoming the norm, why haven’t the ex-normals become outcasts yet?

    You’ve been shunned for generations, the tables should have turned by now.
    I’m rooting for you…

  4. i find it funny how people call the kids who make fun of other people popular. i mean if in school it’s that group and the people they make fun of, no one likes them but the other people in their group. So how can they be popular. i personally just think they’re jerks. The normal kids and the nerds usually get along pretty well but the jerks don’t get along with anyone.

  5. When I was in high school, I was known as, “That smart girl who won’t let anyone cheat off her,” “Rubik’s Cube girl,” and “That girl who talks way too much and sometimes sings to herself.”

  6. YAY FOR THE NERDS! I`m that girl who likes Harry Potter too much and enjoys quoting random books… along with video games and comic books. 😀 I am also, that smart chick with the Hermione hair.

  7. I’m seriously the looniest of them all. I EAT TATER TOTS WITH A FORK!!!! And I burst out in song at lunchtime!!! To steal Miss Maude’s term: boom. Bite the mic

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