Season 3, Episode 2: “I Am Unicorn”
So the episode begins with a big group cry over the fact that Sam of the washboard abs and trouty mouth fame is gone–oh, never mind. They’re still going the “if we don’t care, then NO ONE will care” route.
Rachel’s biological mom (and adoptive mom to Quinn and Puck’s baby) Shelby is working for McKinley as the director of the second glee club. At first I was wondering how they were going to get enough people for TWO glee clubs, but then I remembered how many people won The Glee Project. They’ll be fine.
During rehearsal (which seems to consist of an hour of grapevines from one side of the room to the other), Kurt talks about his aspirations to play Tony (the male lead) in West Side Story. Kurt’s boyfriend Blaine seems to be interested in playing Tony, too, but when Kurt gets all huffy-pants about it, Blaine immediately pulls the “I’ma let my star dim so yours can shine brighter.” Ten bucks, guys, TEN BUCKS that the next few episodes eventually lead to Kurt realizing what a selfish diva he is being and pulling a, “No, no I’ma let MY star dim so YOURS can shine brighter,” and Blaine will pull a, “We can BOTH SHINE BRIGHT LIKE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS.”
This is only reinforced by Kurt’s audition, to which he brings his audition scaffolding, his warrior blades, and a signed note from Rachel allowing him to perform a Streisand song. The takeaway from this number was that Kurt should not be playing Tony. No, no he should not. He even puts on tights to assert his leading man skills? Intentional question mark. It does not work. Then Blaine’s audition is like, “I ain’t even trying, yo.” And the directors are like, “Be Tony! Or at least audition for the part?” And the show ends before we see the outcome of Blaine’s hyper-conflicted expression.
Meanwhile, Quinn “Life-is-Pain” Fabray is pulling her best Angela Chase impression and whining over the fact that no matter how dramatic her story line gets, she will never be as good a singer as Rachel. Shelby is all “I want you in my baby’s life and Quinn is all, “:D” and then Shelby is all, “Buuuuut, notlikethatyouwhinyteenagepunkwannabe.” And Quinn is all, “MY EYELINER REFLECTS THE DARKNESS OF MY SOUL.”
She blondes up and everyone thinks Queen Quinn has return-ed, but then she turns to Puck and says, “I am gonna get my baby back.” And then she cackles as the screen fades to black.
Also Brittany creates unicorn posters for Kurt’s senior class president campaign and then decides to run herself because she is also a unicorn or, in the best line of the night, “Maybe a bicorn.”