Miss Maude gets lots of questions about how to make that cute guy in math class/on the subway/from the pages of Us Weekly fall madly in love with you. It’s easy! Just follow these eight simple steps from Figment’s fabulously wise agony aunt and author of the Poseur series and you’ll have him eating out of the palm of your hand.
Let’s CELEBRATE the FIRST MONDAY OF THE MONTH with….
MISS MAUDE’S ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO FLIRT-TANG
♥ Eight cute and simple rules to follow upon punishment of death. ♥
1. Next time your crush greets you in the hall with a casual, “Hey,” try replying, “. . . IS FOR HORSETH!” and gallop around in circles. To amp up your sex appeal, snort emphatically while tossing your hair.
2. Bring a banana to school. At lunch, seductively peel the banana, smiling at your crush the whole time. Now that you’ve got him going, slowly smash the banana into your left eye.
3. When it comes to attention-getting style, drop that “sexy bombshell” look for understated glamour. And remember: no girl’s wardrobe is complete without a classic little black diaper.
4. If you’re too shy to talk to your crush, why not pass him a note? I recommend, “You’re my sole reason for living.” It’s a great icebreaker.
5. BE CONFIDENT. Confidence is the number one thing guys notice! Besides boobs.
6. BE BOOBS.
7. Find subtle ways to draw attention to your assets. If you want him to notice your lips, slather them in lip gloss! If you want him to notice your butt, slather it in lip gloss!
8. WEAR RED. It’ll remind him of your period. 😉
Tellin’ it like it is, bébés! One Monday at a time…