5 Reasons Why I Will Not Watch the New Footloose

1. The commercial’s blatant ignorance of the American legal system offends me.

At one point, the new kid who doesn’t know the rules says, “Dancing is against the law?” And the preacher’s daughter says, “Only if we get caught.”

That’s not how laws work.

Also, I think I saw them drag racing school buses?

Yup. There they are. I’m not sure I can stand behind that.

2. Zac Efron was supposed to be in the movie.

When Zac Efron looks at a project and decides it’s beneath him, you do not want to know the kind of new lows that are about to be breached. It’s found-a-grilled-cheese-under-your-bed-and-you-haven’t-had-grilled-cheese-for-two-months low. It’s new-species-of-fish-that-reproduces-by-ripping-out-its-own-spine low.

3. Julianne Hough is in the movie

Julianne Hough was all, “I’m a dancer!” on Dancing With the Stars and I was in. I dug it.

Then Julianne Hough was all, “I’m a country singer!” and I was all right. Okay, I thought. Leveraging your quasi-fame to follow your real passion. Fine.

Then Julianne Hough was all, “I’m shilling Proactiv!” and I was displeased. Proactiv is well and good, but I’m trying to watch Toddlers and Tiaras right now, Julianne Hough. Come back later?

Then Julianne Hough was all, “I’m an ACTRESS!” and all I can think is, “If you were actually a good actress, you would be famous for acting and not for dancing/singing/shilling Proactiv/being Ryan Seacrest’s ‘girlfriend.’ ”

4. My own mother once cut me from a local production of the musical version of Footloose that she directed.

Not that I’m bitter or anything, but she didn’t cast me (her own DAUGHTER!) in a production where about 90 percent of people who auditioned got in. And then she made me run spotlight, which was essentially rubbing my failure in my face, four nights a week, all summer.

Not that this means YOU shouldn’t see Footloose. Unless, you . . . I don’t know . . . wanted to stand in solidarity with me? We could cry as we listen to “Let’s Hear it for the Boy”? Or just me . . .

5. They kept the warehouse scene.

The most mockable part of the original Footloose is the angsty dance-it-out moment where Kevin Bacon(‘s dance double) goes crazy in an abandoned warehouse, releasing his anger through the creative medium of movement. But, to be fair, angry dancing was in vogue at the time (see: Flashdance).

What’s the remake’s excuse?

11 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why I Will Not Watch the New Footloose

  1. Agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed, and AGREED.
    I wouldn’t watch this movie if I hadn’t been VOLUNTEERED by my teacher to review it for the school newspaper.
    Now I just need a really good excuse not to watch it…Hmm…

  2. In response to reason 4: what’s so bad about running spotlight? (avid stage crew girl here) I did it in 6th grade, but the light (named Gus) only had two gels – clear and blue – and it was epic.

    But I am sorry you didn’t make the production.

    And I am most definitely NOT seeing this movie.

  3. I have rather different reasons for having zero interest in the new footloose.

    1. There is nothing to be gained from a remake of Footloose. Some movies get remade to include special effects as they get better. High school movies are not a genre this is included in.
    2. There is no way the cast can make up for: Kevin Bacon. John Lithgow. Dianne Wiest. And Sarah Jessica Parker.

    However, in reply to the article author’s reasons for not wanting to see it…

    1. A: Actually, that is how laws work. Unfortunately unless people get caught, they don’t get punished for illegal activity.
    B: It’s a stupid law. That’s the whole point of the original movie, and the whole point of this one. Dancing was made illegal in the town. This is a stupid law. Laws that stupid are meant to be broken.
    C: It’s about the teenagers ignoring said stupid law. As said. Whole point of the movie.
    D: Most movies these days include blatant disregard for the legal system in this way. Vigilantes, easy accessed weapons, anti-heroes, protagonists on illegal drugs…all sorts of stuff. Often more serious then a stupid fictionalized law in a small town-usually federal regulation.

    2. Or Zack Efron wanted to be known for something other then ‘not being Kevin Bacon’. Something the lead will have to pull off. Now it’s possible he decided he didn’t like the script. I haven’t researched it. But you supply no proof for why that might have been his reason. Also, he probably would really like to get away from the singing and dancing.

    3. I mentioned casting would be rough. I don’t think many known names wanted to be affiliated here. I suppose there’s Quaid, but he’s doing a lot of movies lately, I think for fun.

    4. I give that one to you, as I tend to hold a grudge myself. And as said, I won’t be going myself. So you have solidarity in people not going, if for different reasons.

    5. If they HAVE to make a remake of an 80’s movie that was fine as was, they HAVE to include key moments, no matter how awkward. Otherwise everyone comparing the two (and anyone over the age of 13 probably will be) would rate horribly, yell, scream, and not rent or buy it on DVD. They’d also stop friends from seeing it.

  4. i hate the fact they’re remaking all of these perfectly fine eighties movies. why? they were pretty good, and now they’re redoing it to make it bad? um, no thanks. and i don’t get– does the new footloose take place in the eighties too, or do they just wear eighties style stuff? the commercials didn’t clear that up for me… -.-

    • Hey!
      I think the new movie is supposed to be contemporary? I think they’re writing off the abundance of distressed denim as “They’re in Texas. It can look like the nineties in Texas.” Or something equally nonsensical.

  5. I’m with you. The original was alright, but this just looks like a disaster. They can’t even make it look good in the trailers D:

  6. I must be in the minority. I WANT to see this. I LOVE dance movies. I LOVE angsty teens that rebel against everything, including the “law”, but ultimately come out the other end having learned a valuable lesson. Even if it’s just that they love to dance or fall in love.

    I’m not sure I’ll see it in the theatre but I will be watching it at some point in time. 🙂

  7. I think the original and the new one are dumb basically here’s why, Dancing has become illegal for some people dieing on there way back from a dance in their car. Okay, I am gona use an example that completely proves why this is dumb. When people started diein from drinking and driving we didn’t ban alcohol no we banned drinking and driving. They could have atleast made a law that made them not sound like an idiot and just banned dancing and then driving, but even then they shouldn’t have been an idiot and relies the dance had nothing to do with the crash.

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