Season 3, Episode 8, “Hold on to Sixteen”
If you still think Sam is wearing those gold Rocky Horror boxers on an amateur level, maybe check out last week’s gleecap.
At the very start of the episode, Kurt gets straight (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) with new villain-in-town, would-be-homewrecker, Sebastian. Kurt’s best put-down is either “I don’t like your smirky, little meerkat face,” or “You smell like Craigslist.” Sebastian’s best? “One of us has a hard luck case of the gay face, and it ain’t me.” Tough call, right?
This episode marks the triumphant return of Sam “TroutyMouth” Evans to McKinley High after his brief hiatus as a part-time stripper named “White Chocolate.” All I have to say about the strip club scene is that LMFAO is an appropriate soundtrack. And Finn and Rachel were like, we need you for sextionals. Omg! Sectionals. Sorry. What? Get some spellcheck over here, amirite? I don’t even . . . Also? Sam’s fam is supposed to be one foot in the gutter. Putting a crappy tablecloth in a nice house does not make it a slum. Even if the tablecloth is as hideous as the flowered plastic one showcased.
Klainers all over the planet had simultaneous conniptions as Blaine got fed up with over-sexed Sam and power hungry Finn and began to take out his angst on a punching bag. How did you feel about angry Blaine? A.) Liked him. B.) Loved him. C.) SHEISTY BLAINE MADE ME TINGLY ALL OVER.
Then it was sectionals! I. Love. Sectionals. I love the rando “competition” groups that show up. I love that the McKinley glee club mysteriously doubles in size. I LOVE sectionals. There is no way, though, that the Trouble Tones would not be performing the “Rumor Has It/ Someone Like You” mash-up. No director would have whipped up that number and then been like, “That was fun! But now we’ve performed it once. I’m over it.” So, I’m watching the “I Will Survive/ Surviver” mash-up thinking, “Oh, New Directions’s got this.” Then Finn pulls out the fist pump and whispers to Blaine, “We’ve got this.” Famous last words.
Why? WHY? Nothing could make me more certain of your imminent demise. But Glee gives us the double bluff and McKinley takes top spot. Which might be because they sang three songs to everyone else’s one.
Three songs, New Directions? THREE? I get that you’re trying to feature, like, the ALL of glee club, but I need some heavy-handed dialogue to break up my packaged pop karaoke tracks, thankyouverymuch. I was about to despair for Glee all together when Quinn cornered the Tones in the girl’s bathroom.
“We’re doing a big number in the auditorium to celebrate our victory.” Oh, that’s classic Glee. And when Quinn offers the Trouble Tones a chance to return to New Directions, only the four Trouble Tones with names (Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, and Sugar) make the shift. Then Mercedes spends the whole final song wailing and riffing high notes.