Season 3, Episode 11, “Michael”
If you think New Directions is a button on your GPS, you might want to check out last week’s Gleecap.
I have to say, when I found out they were doing a Michael Jackson episode, my face was like,
But despite my apprehension that Glee would include a gratuitous Will-Schuester-crotch-grabbing shot, I learned something during this episode: No matter how hardcore motorcycle gangs look, matching leather hoodies will make a glee club look like an H&M window display.
Nothing says trying-too-hard like leather hoodies and a cappella singing. Except perhaps ending the prance-off with a incapacitating slushie to the face.
“I’ve never seen a slushie do that kind of damage.” Super slushie. KILLER SLUSHIE.
How did we get to this point, with singers turning against singers? The Warblers caught wind of the Jackson tribute the New Directions had planned and stole the idea. This led to MAJOR BEEF and the mildest gang fight to ever grace television. Sebastian chucked a slushie in Blaine’s face and turned him into a PIRATE.
Blue Beard Blaine. Cannonball Blaine.
To be fair, the slushie was spiked with rock salt, which Santana uncovered by taping a recorder to “her underboob.” (Actual quote.)
She’s all ready to go to the cops with the info, when Kurt tells her that that would be sinking to Sebastian’s level. Here’s the thing: reporting assault to the police is not sinking. That is the responsible, legal response. Of course, Kurt has a better idea for revenge. Dear God, if they get “payback” by singing at the Warblers, I am going to throw a slushie filled with rock salt in my own face.
Quinn is stoked that she got into Yale early admission (which was by FAR the funniest joke of the episode), and Rachel and Kurt get their finalist letters to NYADA. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the college application process, but there are no finalists. There are students that are accepted and students that are denied and I resent the manipulation of my emotions by this fictional round of college applications.
The thin thread of through-line requires me to say that Finn and Rachel have taken their will-they-won’t-they relationship to the next level. Finn proposed, Rachel hedged and accepted, but only because her “finalist” letter was delayed and she was in a “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?” panic. When she got her letter, Kurt was all, “Aaaaand what about Finn?” and Rachel was one whisker short of a dramatic chipmunk moment.
Highlights: Artie’s “I can walk, I can DANCE!” dream sequence, and the cello-busting Smooth Criminal duet.
Lowlights: Where was Sue? And why is Rory still around?