Season 3, Episode 12, “The Spanish Teacher”
If you were watching this week’s episode for Blaine, more Blaine, and only Blaine, you might want to check our last week’s Gleecap.
As soon as I realized you were about to join me in mocking Mr. Schue’s lack of ever teaching Spanish, I knew we would have a great evening. The premise? Someone (*coughSantanacough*) filed a complaint against Mr. Schue and his (lack-of) teaching style. This leads Mr. Schue to attend night classes taught by ex-teeth model Ricky Martin (as night school educator David Martinez).
Blah, blah, long story short: RICKY MARTIN (as David Martinez) is at McKinley, where he sings a half-Spanish version of “Sexy and I Know It” that featured everything I love most: an Artie chair-dance break, Finn’s electrocuted-esque body roll, and inappropriate teacher-student interaction. It also made me realize that I judge how good of a dancer a Glee guest is by who they’re paired with. When Ricky Martin (as David Martinez) started a dance sequence with Brittany and Mike Chang, I was like, “Dang! He must be good.” Best song on the show in a good while.
Mr. Schue had a brilliant idea to turn glee club into an army of Spanish-speakers so that he could prove he wasn’t a failure. He made this week Latin-themed, so every song had to be Spanish. Or sung in Spanish. Or written by someone who could have feasibly spoken Spanish at one point in his or her life.
Emma (guidance counselor extraordinaire) offered Mercedes a pamphlet to ease her conscience about kissing Sam even though she’s dating another man. The pamphlet was called:
The pamphlets just kept on a-coming. It’s like Glee KNEW that I was loving the rip-on-Schue-a-thon and was like, “Let’s take this to the next level. Bring on the PUNS.” We had gems like “Performance Anxiety: It’s not just for teenage boys!” and “No Insurance, No Problem! How to give yourself stitches”. Evidence I was crazy into this episode? When Will told Emma that her pamphlets were stupid, I gasped. Out loud. In front of people whose opinions I value.
The episode ends with Will realizing he never had the passion (or skill set) to teach Spanish. Ricky Martin (as David Martinez) gets the coveted high school teaching position and gives a shmaltzy, but surprisingly touching, speech about the American Dream, Will eyes a recently vacated history position, and Coach Sue Sylvester wants to inseminate herself and have a baby and at first she wanted it to be Will’s baby and that was awkward for everyone but now it looks like she’s stuck with ye olde sperm bank.
There was no graceful way to tell you.
Samcedes spent this episode trying to sort out their feelings by not speaking to each other. After only being able to make meaningful eyes at each other while singing, the episode ended just after the silence was supposed to be lifted. Sam and Mercedes met, but her boyfriend popped up at the last moment, and she walked away, throwing a longing look over her shoulder. Even though Sam sang Enrique Iglesias’s “Hero,” which seventh-grade me would have died–DIED–over.
Kurt had a meaningful silence that implied he would say yes if Blaine proposed.
Rachel and Finn are both having doubts about their (super doubt-worthy) engagement.
Will’s serious lack of passion in the classroom was creating tension in the bedroom, but he apologized for being snippy about Emma’s pamphlets by cooking her dinner and apologizing with a pamphlet titled “So You Were a Jerk to Your Fiance” and “Congratulations–I Love You!”
Ricky Martin (as David Martinez) and Coach Beiste are having an affair, although this might have been in my imagination since they were my episode all-stars this week, and I always ship my episode all-stars. Usually that means a lot of Blaine on Blaine, which can get weird…