Figment Imagines America Under a Vampire Majority

Immortal Rules by Julie KagawaIn Julie Kagawa’s new novel The Immortal Rules, vampires rule. And not in a “ZOMG YOU GUISE, I LOVE VAMPIRES!!!!” kind of way. In an a-virus-has-wiped-out-so-much-of-humanity-that-vampires-are-the-new-majority kind of way.

What would the world look like if the world was overrun by bloodsucking vampires? Well, we imagine there would be a few key differences . . .

1. McDonalds would forgo the Big Mac for the Big Sac . . . of Blood! You would eat it by sucking through two straws, one on each fang.

2. On Halloween, children would dress up like accountants and secretaries.

3. New York’s most popular borough would be Fanghattan.

4. Chia Pets would come back into style. Why? Normal pets don’t have a long life expectancy. They tend to become midday snacks.

5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be banned as a series of snuff films.

6. Splatter paint would be the hot new home decorating fad. Stylish and practical! (It hides those pesky blood drips.)

7. “Garlic” becomes the worst curse word in Vampire culture, right above “Van Helsig.”

8. Dates would change to BD and AD—“Before Dracula” and “After Dracula.”

9. Top Billboard Hits would include, “Deadbody That I Used To Know,” “Pumped Up Stakes,” “We Found Blood,” and “Waxy and I Know It.”

10. Lady Gaga would remain a bestselling artist. Her appeal is universal.

Any we forgot? Start reading The Immortal Rules now to get inspired!

3 thoughts on “Figment Imagines America Under a Vampire Majority

  1. i wish vampires would leave us alone i really don’t like them i know for every blood sucking weirdo that tries too bite me you all get a nice sweet axe too the head you blood worshiping freak’s

  2. i think i would rather live in a world either populated by were wolves or zombies you get bored you pick em off make a contest out of it vampires you get bored make a contest out of it stake them down wait till morning and let the scream’s fly all over fang hatten that i would love too do hunt some vamp’s and make them see that hey you all are not that immortal cause of the whole sun thing see ya bye

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