50 Shades of Grape Soda and Other Terrible Product Tie-ins

Marketing teams are always coming up with clever new ways to promote their books and movies, but somehow these amazing ideas never made it into production.

Fahrenheit 451 Tinder
Get warm with some tinder imprinted with the covers of your favorite books. Perfect for getting your book burning party (and fire) started!


The Chronicles of Narnia Turkish Delight
This Turkish Delight is doped with synthetic drugs that will replicate the insatiable hunger that Edmund felt—a hunger that caused him to turn on his own siblings and nearly bring a proud nation crumbling to its knees at the feet of an evil queen. Yours for only $19.95!


The Hunger Games “Sew Cute!” Self-Stitches Kit
Want to suture some scratches? Want to fix some fractures? Get “Sew Cute!” with a self-stitches kit. Comes with rough bone needle and cat gut. Antiseptic? What are you, an antiseparty pooper?



The Avengers Learn German with Loki
Looking to take over the world? Starting with a German museum? You probably shouldn’t diatribe in English. Learn some key German phrases like “glorious purpose” and “bow to me!”



50 Shades of Grape Soda
A treat for every boy, girl, and sadomasochist!




Also keep an eye out for:

The Flowers in the Attic paternity test.
The Notebook memory game.
Harry Potter and the non-magical wooden stick!
Just Jorts: A new line of denim-ware inspired by Jacob Black.

3 thoughts on “50 Shades of Grape Soda and Other Terrible Product Tie-ins

  1. Loki…. 🙂

    Iron Man: Wait, you’re still here?
    Thor: Yes, why didn’t you run away while we were…settling our differences?
    Loki: I’ll never tell. Hmhaha…Mhahahahah… MHAHAHA…
    CA: Ok, we are NOT taking him back to base. He is DEFINITELY up to something.

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