In honor of the bloodthirsty fight to become royal assassin that Celaena Sardothien has to endure in Sarah J. Maas‘s new novel, Throne of Glass, we asked you to deliver your most kick-ass fight scenes for a chance to be named Champion of Figment. Congrats to Marie W., whose fight scene had us smiling AND cringing. Read her scene and our other four favorites below.
“Fight with your joints, old boyo,” my father taught me. “Be a lot less painful, and’ll keep your hands soft for the lasses.”
As I pull the man down by his collar, my fingers digging deep into the rough polyester blend of his work shirt, my body goes concave. My knee rises to my chest and makes contact with his chin, teeth, not mine, shattering together. He’s out, and I can see the stars before his eyes: Orion, Cassiopeia, the Big Dipper, all in a pretty set.
The man in front of me was short, fat, and very ugly. His lips pulled back from his teeth in an enraged sneer as he charged at me, fists flailing wildly. I sidestepped his bulk easily, threw in a kick for good measure, and he went sprawling into the mud. “You!” He screamed in rage before his eyes rolled back into his skull.
It was, all in all, a lovely day to be attacked by ninjas. The first blow surprised Jim Green on his stroll through the garden, but for the next, he was quite ready. He dodged the masked assailants and even landed a good kick in the face or two. Green had survived these attacks before, you see, and he was sure that this time would be no different. But as they are for so many men, a dirty hoe was his undoing, and one false step sent him comically tumbling down into the mandevillas.
Harbinger of Baked Goods
The knight moves to pin the queen.
Out of nowhere, a horse appears, legs moving forward in swift kicks, defeating the queen’s last line of defense before the King.
The knight takes the queen.
The monster horse does not stop there; it uses its hind legs to break the spine of her lady, the Queen.
With a last minute hope of dying by choice, in freedom, the King runs a long, silver blade through his heart, killing himself instantaneously; I flip my king on his side, marking my surrender in our game of chess.
The fight to be the champion nerd begins now. I lunge for Nova, screaming and wielding a knife. She kicks me in the chest hard, and I almost faint, but no, I have to be figment champion. I deliver a karate kick to her head and she falls, unconscious. I am Figgie Champion!