Things You’d Never Say to … Your Teacher

We’re all grateful for the teachers in our lives—that’s a given.  Buuuuuut… anyone you’re forced to spend a considerable amount of time with has the potential to get on your nerves, and teachers are no exception. (Especially when they do things like correct grammar on that last sentence.) Seeing as teachers are authority figures, we’re hesitant to express our negative thoughts directly.  So we will blog about them.  Some things you’d never say aloud to your teacher include:

Hamlet Folger Shakespeare book cover“I read this book for a class last year.”

Noticing you’ve already read one of the books on next week’s syllabus is like winning the Minimal Effort Lottery. You don’t have to do the work, but you can still participate in the class discussion as if you did. Plus, you’ll be able to add in whatever your last teacher said about the book, and it’ll look like you came up with that interpretation yourself. No reason to let anyone know anything otherwise.

 

“Your class is not a priority for me.”

No one can do well at all-of-school all the time. Not even the overachieveriest among us. So it’s actually a smart strategy to focus on the classes in which you have borderline grades. Save the rest of the reading for when you have more time (a.k.a. 10 years after graduation, when you are schlepping your still-unread books to your fifth apartment). No need to hurt your teacher’s feelings.

Learning

 

“Please get your spittle under control.”

You know that thing when someone points out that your teacher’s spit accumulates on the corners of her lips, and you can’t unsee it?  Or that other thing when you make the mistake of sitting in the front row and end up getting rained upon?  Yeah, that Internet university is starting to look really good right about now.

drool

 

“Red pen does not make you any smarter in my eyes.”

red pen

All that red pen on the essay you worked really hard to revise was NOT COOL. Some teachers throw ink around like it’s an indicator of how big their brain is. In actuality, we’re probably more likely to be impressed by a teacher who recognizes us for our pre-existing brilliance.

 

“Your outfit makes me uncomfortable.”

I’m no fashionista, but there have been times when a teacher’s wardrobe choices have made me question her decision-making capabilities. And since visual cues are a huge part of being an effective communicator, maybe stuff-that-doesn’t-clash should be more of a priority? Awkward…

“I’m totally using you as a character in a novel one day.”

Just keep taking notes . . . or better yet, submit to Figment!

girl writing on laptop

What else would you never say aloud to your teacher? Let us know in the comments!

 

Photos: Sleeping student by CollegeDegrees360; Dog drooling by Vince LoprestiMan with fingers in his ears by striatic

24 thoughts on “Things You’d Never Say to … Your Teacher

        • You know, some things don’t translate to everyday functioning, but a good teacher will be able to see that this is a valid question and will either a) be able to tell you just how it relates and is relevant to Real Life, or b) they’ll be able to tell you that while you might not use your theoretical math class every day, you can find relevance in >insert example here<

          So yeah, as long as you don't ask the question like a jerk, the good teacher should see it as a chance to elucidate their students to the relevance of various kinds of knowledge.

  1. “Teacher! You forgot to assign Math homework for tonight.”

    “Teacher, the clock is fast. We should have another 10 minutes before we get out of class.”

    “Teacher, I’m going to feign illness tomorrow and stay home, rather than taking the test.”

    “Teacher, I didn’t feel like doing the assignment.”

  2. I get it, I get it, you backpacked across *insert boring place here*. Now can we get to what I came here to do, not your life story?

  3. YES. That last one. Totally.
    Things you shouldn’t say to your teacher:
    “I can just look all this up on the internet. In fact, I did last night while researching a scene for a book. There fore, the rest of the class period will be spent in (insert name of mythical land) with (insert name of incredibly hot fictional character.)”
    You think it, don’t deny it!

  4. Teacher, you are not the smartest teacher at this school, so please stop dissing other subjects and teachers.

    Teacher, all of your assignments have grammatical errors in them, so don’t complain if my handwriting is “illegible.”

    Teacher, do not get mad at your students when you make a mistake or don’t explain instructions correctly.

    Last but not least:

    Teacher, do not get mad at your students for failing a test on topics you never taught. If 95% of your AP students are failing the same Calculus test, there’s something wrong.

    • Fortunately for me my math teacher gives the entire class extra points on quizzes and tests if we catch his mistakes. It’s awesome. Especially because I need those extra points.

  5. I actually used the last one, without realizing, for a character that was supposed to be the devil’s accomplice…whoops. lol.

  6. Your class just isn’t worth attending. So I ditched yesterday to do the homework.
    –ACTUAL QUOTE–
    Yo, teach! Dude, you so give out too much f****** homework! It’s like, dude! Like, seriously? We, like. have lives, dude.

  7. Number one thing I’ve thought about telling some of my most-despised teachers: I’m basing the villain in my next novel on you…. Also, I’m watching the sunrise in my second class. What the hell is wrong with this picture?

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