The Six Types Of People Who’ll Wish You A Happy Birthday On Facebook

Some days are better than other days, and days when people pay attention to you are the best days of all. It’s quite amusing to wake up on the morning of your birthday, sign online, and smile at the people who want to wish you well that day. It’s less amusing when there are so many randos that it takes up your entire day just trying to remember how you know these people. Here’s who you can expect to check in.

The Burr

Maybe you met in pre-school, maybe first session of overnight camp 2002 — whatever the circumstances, you became friends simply because this person happened to be around. Now that you’ve gone your separate ways physically, you’d prefer the friendship to end there. You have zero new things to talk about. You’ve been trying very hard to shake this person, but The Burr remains a part of your life through those two little words once a year. Stuck again.

The One Who At Least Owed You A Text

Not all Facebook posts indicate caring: in fact, sometimes a HBD is really sending you a signal that your friend doesn’t actually want to talk to you or reach out for any form of extended communication. Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you sad on your birthday. You don’t have to click “like.”

That Dude You Met At A Marginal Friend’s Party

There’s always that dude that you talked to for a long time at a party because you didn’t know anyone else there, and when it came time to leave, you didn’t really want him to call you, so you told him to friend you on Facebook. He then got way into commenting on how much he likes that pic of you and your friend Abby and how you should prob come to this concert with him if you are listening to Ben Harper on Spotify and stuff. And then when you didn’t respond, he got the hint and stopped. Or so you thought. Because every year on your birthday, he HAS to say something. Just to remind you that he still has access to you.

Your Buddy’s Mom

Moms love saying happy birthday on Facebook. It must be a hormonal thing. It’s like you give birth and have an immediate need to celebrate everyone who has ever been on either end of a birth.

The Person Who Lives For Wall Birthday Posts

Now that Facebook is kind enough to alert us every time our friends interact with anyone, we’re able to better track the people who are being selective about the amount of “Happy Birthday, [insert name here]”‘s they’re giving out… and those who are HBD’ing like it’s their job. It’s the law of diminishing returns — the more you congratulate people on being born, the less joy it brings to people when you say it.

Cool Kids

I would like to continue receiving birthday wall posts. In fact, a large portion of my self-worth is comprised of how many well wishes I receive. Please don’t stop because I wrote a snarky article!

What other categories of people wrote on your wall this year? Let us know in the comments!

Photos: “Dylan and Aveah” by Jerry; “That Guy” by JMEG; “Successful Business Woman On A Laptop” by Search Engine People Blog

27 thoughts on “The Six Types Of People Who’ll Wish You A Happy Birthday On Facebook

  1. What is exactly wrong with wishing people happy birthday? I don’t get the purpose of this to make people who always say happy birthday feel bad? I expected more from figment

    • What is exactly wrong with Figment writing an article on happy birthday wishes? I don’t get the purpose of this comment to make Figment feel bad? I expected more from you Arielle.

      • I think she means that it’s not a easily identified as humorous about happy birthday wishes, and its not about the wishes rather making fun of people like your moms friends or people who always wish ppl a happy birthday nor is there any type of sarcasm and there’s comments like “the more you congratulate people on being born, the less joy it brings to people when you say it.” That’s not funny or sarcastic in any way, in fact it’s kind of mean. Like someone said in the comments she thought it was nice to wish people a happy birthday, here it says, it brings less joy. How is that even a joke?

      • Wow, smurf how can you expect more from someone you don’t know? I’d say I expected more from you to be understanding that different people have different opinions, but I don’t know you. And i’ve been a member of figment for a long time, i feel like i know it, arielle probably does to, so thats what she meant, usually the articles are funnier. figment is a website that usually has awesome articles, this has its moments, but, i don’t see the overall humor either but by the comments I’ve seen it’s not completely

  2. I kinda agree with Arielle. I don’t think “the more you congratulate people on being born, the less joy it brings to people when you say it.” Why would it and where did you get that from? And social ‘networking’ can be more about networking then it is bout being social and wishing someone a happy birthday can be just oh why not it’s thier birthday, I think the writer read too much into whatever is going on on her Facebook page.

  3. I think ppl r being too sensitive about this post. Its just something to laugh about becuz, in truth, most of this is true. Ppl shuldn’t feel lyk this is directly targeting them and enjoy the comical sense of it.

  4. Yeah, there ARE always the people who are ACTUALLY your friends and mean it when they say it. And I used to be the one who said happy birthday to everyone. I thought it was nice.

  5. If I have ever been your friend and consider you even worthy of a friendly smile in the hallway, I’ll post “Happy birthday” on your wall! For my close friends who aren’t weirded out by it, I’ll post a GAZILLION HBD pics and messages all over their wall just to clog up their notifications because I’m just that good of a friend! For my best friends I try to post a personal status update on my own page just saying how special they are to me, how thankful I am for them, and how I sincerely and in all seriousness want to wish them a happy birthday aside from all the insane things I posted on their wall! I do kind of consider it my “job” to say happy birthday because it’s just polite and friendly! I guess any rude northerners here wouldn’t understand! Haha just kidding, guys! 😀

    • I think it’s just the line, “the more you congratulate people on being born, the less joy it brings to people when you say it.” That’s bothering people, and the fact that a lot of people will wish others a happy birthday when it pops up.

  6. This made me chuckle – and remember why I don’t tend to befriend friend’s mums on Facebook! I think people are being a little over sensitive about this. It’s banter after all. A little cynicism can be funny. The author might just have mentioned people like me who are dreadful at remembering dates and use Facebook as a life line for birthdays. Long after the chance to send a card has passed, I can still get a “happy birthday” in on their wall. Didn’t forget. Honest! 😉

  7. I found this article pretty funny. It’s important not to take it too seriously, and remember not everyone feels the same about Facebook. There is, however, an element of truth behind it.

    People who have barely any connection to you aside from access to your Facebook page are people you generally don’t want to be connected to in real life. When they refuse to move on, or only interact with you by saying “Happy birthday,” it feels awkward or creepy. It’s also a little embarrassing or awkward with friends’ parents, just like it can be when you talk with them in real life.

    People who are genuinely close to you are another matter: when your birthday rolls around and they give you *nothing but a Facebook message,* it feels insincere unless you know they have a reason for not congratulating you via phone call, text message, or a hug or pat on the back.

    I highly suspect the last one is mostly for the sake of humor, but of someone who you know just goes around congratulating people for turning a year older says “Happy birthday” to you, that probably feels pretty empty and worthless.

    The point that is made in the end of the article really means that the more people who have no reason to do so send you birthday withes through Facebook (and only through Facebook or a similar social network), the more hollow and insincere it feels, and the author jokingly implies that it means your Friends list is full of people who don’t really care. This may or may not be the case, depending on the way you use Facebook, but like I said, don’t take this seriously. It’s just meant to be funny.

    That said, I do have my birthday coming up in two days…

  8. How is this funny: “the more you congratulate people on being born, the less joy it brings to people when you say it.” Why wouldn’t ppl be happy about a happy birthday?

  9. Most definitely the person who has a crush on you will want to say happy birthday! believe I know! Isn’t it a polite thing to do is say happy birthday to your actual friends…. ?? at least I thought?…. humm I missed something…??

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