This week on Modern Family, something, something, something, and then oh, yeah, GLORIA HAS THE BABY!
We knew it was coming, but we’ve had misdirects before, so I honestly didn’t believe Gloria was going to give birth in this episode until I saw her holding him. A new member of the cast! Let’s hope this little cutie can act.
Leading up to that, Jay and Gloria threw Manny a surprise party. They went to great lengths to get everything together in time: When there was a long line at the bakery, they stole a cake from a woman with a stroller. When they couldn’t find their parking ticket at the parking structure, they crashed through the gate. They spent the entire episode being giddy, irresponsible weirdos, which symbolized how they’d be able to embark on this new adventure of raising a baby together—because adventure is what they do best. Aww. This episode had one of my favorite moments ever between Gloria and Jay. She’s emotional and about to give birth, and she says to Jay, “I know that babies make mothers crazy and I’m going to be making mistakes and then I’m going to be blaming you. Please don’t leave me.” Who knew that Gloria harbored insecurities?!
Poor Manny did not have a good day. First, his entire family was hiding in the dark, about to shout “Surprise!” when he walked in from his date and received his first kiss. Mortifying. Later, when he gets over his embarrassment and accepts the surprise party, Gloria’s water breaks! His new sibling is born on his same birthday, despite his mother’s attempts to “keep it inside.” If any of the Modern Family kids can a handle crisis with poise, it’s Manny, and his monologue to his mother about how he knows she loves him does not disappoint. But yeesh, sharing a birthday? That’s sucks big time.
Meanwhile, Lily asks Mitchell to marry her, which makes Cam jealous. Is that a thing? I didn’t know little girls ask their dad(s) to marry them. Or that their dads sometimes oblige. Cam then held a separate, more elaborate ceremony for Lily to marry him, complete with a receiving line of stuffed animals and a toy car for Lily to drive away in. Lily, of course, hurts herself driving the car, and Cam is stuck in second position to her other, non-pain-inducing dad once more. By the end of the episode, Cam and Mitchell have discussed what this is really about: Cam feels guilty for neglecting Lily in service of his choir kids. But when Cam accidentally pushes Lily in the Pritchett’s pool, Lily screams for “Daddy,” which is Cam’s moniker. Cam feels much better; maybe he was overanalyzing the situation just a little. I always assumed Lily was more attached to Cam because he seemed to be more of the homemaker, so I thought this storyline was a bit out of nowhere.
Over at the Dunphy camp, Haley causes a ruckus when she brings home a much older (and ugly! ew!) new boyfriend. At first, Phil likes the dude because he thinks there’s no way there’s anything romantic going on between Haley and her middle-aged coworker. But when Haley and her new BF openly kiss in front of him, we get one of Phil’s funniest lines ever: “I’m gonna fight him.” You can almost see the steam coming out of his ears throughout the rest of the episode as Claire tells him he needs to repress his desire to squelch this relationship. Claire once dated an older guy just to get a rise out of her dad. She predicts if Phil doesn’t buy into it, Haley will give up this ploy for attention. Alex, the only one who has nothing to lose by speaking her mind, responds to the boyfriend’s “Hi. I’m Kenny” with, “Hi. I’m disgusted.” Love her.
It all comes to a head when Haley asks to spend the night at a hotel with this man, and Claire insists Phil give Haley his credit card to do so. Haley leaves, and Phil seethes. He needs to go after her. But when Haley returns a few moments later, furious that her parents are okay with her doing this (wait, what?), Claire is proven right. Phil, not knowing Haley is standing behind him, pours his heart out to Claire about how no man is good enough for his daughter. Haley hears the whole thing, hugs her daddy, and all is right with the world again. Except maybe she should find a way to go back to college so she’ll have access to more age-appropriate suitors.
Photos: ABC’s Modern Family