The parent-child relationship is adorably fraught with complexity. No matter how well you’re raised or how much you love your caretakers, there are times when you drive them absolutely insane. If you’re interested in doing so deliberately, read on!
Only wash the top of the dishes
You can’t actively not do chores; that feels bratty. But you CAN lash out by doing them poorly. If you only wash the dishes partially, leaving the bottoms to crust over with residual Bernaise sauce or whatever, you’ll be able to leave the kitchen and do your thing without them noticing. When they finally take the dishes out a few days later, they’re going to be all, “[Insert First and Middle Name Here]! Get back here!”
Befriend them on Facebook, then privacy settings them like whoa
The only reason your parents beFriended you was to keep tabs on your social life, specifically the stuff you get awkward telling them about in person. So if you limit the amount of info they’re able to access, they’re gonna be able to tell. But if you’re lucky, they’ll blame their internet provider, whose fault it must be that they can’t click on photos others have tagged of you.
Call only to say how stressed out and sad you are, but forget to call back when you’re happy
Your parents will get all worked up over how you think you didn’t make the spring musical. They might go so far as to confer with each other as to if they should call the choir director and get involved. But then a few hours later, when you find out you DID make it and are running around giddily singing Oliver!, make sure you don’t call back. Your parents will have wasted their entire day worrying about your mental health, only to receive an “Oh, that? I’m over it!”
Use their HBOGo to watch full seasons of TV shows before they do, then ruin the endings
Your parents will have heard about popular shows approximately six months after you first hear about them. This gives you ample time to watch, digest, and opine on any serialized show on the server. You, too, can be as obnoxious to your parents as the girls on Girls are to theirs.
Tell them you’re going to go do work on a sustainable farm
Most parents want to think they want their kids to help save the environment, but deep down, they know the environment is already messed up, and they’d rather their kids get good grades/make money/meet a nice [insert religion here] girl/boy and start popping out more population-increasing babies. But they won’t be able to say anything without seeming like jerks!
Move to LA
… or any big city without having a job lined up. Some parents will be supportive at first, but as they realize how allowing you to pursue your dreams has invariably drained their “dream retirement” account, they’re going to start up with the, “Maybe you should come home” business. And when you reply that LA is now “home” (but continually insinuate how hungry you’d be without their support), they’ll descend into utter madness. Good work!
What other ways do you drive your parents insane? Let us know in the comments!