Why Having A High School Bf/Gf Isn’t That Great

Having a relationship in high school can seem like the be-all-end-all — why does romance seem to come so naturally to all your friends? — but in actuality, dating one person for an extended period of time is kind of impractical during that era of your life. Save your precious free time for The Sims; high school boyfriends and girlfriends aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Here’s why.

Your intimacy levels will be measured using sports terminology.

When you describe your relationship in terms of which bases you’ve hit, you’re just feeding into a competitive group mindset. Think about it: You either “win” or you strike out. That’s not exactly helpful, what with your already stressful life. You hate gym class; no need to bring it home.

Your friends probably have already dated this person (or want to).

The high-school dating pool contains a finite amount of legit people. You and your friends are probably all after the same person — that one who’s always doing group projects with you in honors classes. Save the drama for TNT.

You never know who’ll you’ll meet at a speech tournament.

The weekly voyage to tourneys in foreign suburbs holds limitless possibilities as to the new and exciting people you’ll meet. Especially if you make it to state finals; in light of your newfound celebrity, you’re definitely not going to want to be tied down. Also, the Holiday Inn at Nationals probably has a jacuzzi. JUST SAYIN’.

You need to remain available for [insert name of everyone’s senior crush]. Just in case.

Josh Mackintosh smiled at you in the hall that one time, even though he totally didn’t need to. So, if you’re smart, you’ll help him help you by staying single and carefree until the moment he wakes up and realizes you guys were meant to be together. You’ll know when he announces it over the PA system at prom.


Ringing the front door at someone’s parents’ house is just awkward. If he’s not answering his cell, you’re be forced to interact with his entire family, explaining that you’re really just there to drive him to church/tea time/no, that wasn’t me blasting Ke$ha in the driveway…

What happens after senior year?

NO ONE KNOWS. Post-senior-year-of-high-school is this big amorphous blob of “future.” You might do community service in Ecuador and decide you can’t date anyone who hasn’t experienced a South American outlook on life. Or you could really try to make it work but end up in a lopsided long-distance relationship where you’re all, “I have a boyfriend who lives in Canada (he goes to McGill),” and your roomies are like whatever we’re going out tonight have fun with Skype and then you try dialing him and he doesn’t answer and your anxiety goes nuts that he’s out with that girl he’s in a Facebook pic with. Quit while you’re ahead!

Any other problems with having a high school bf/gf? Let us know in the comments!

Photos: “Baseball Field” by Michael Kuroda; “MAHS Speech Team at State Finals” by Nic McPhee; “Rebecca Rings Doorbell” by Mike Gifford; “Can’t Hardly Wait” movie poster via Amazon.com

35 thoughts on “Why Having A High School Bf/Gf Isn’t That Great

  1. There’s been research done on the sex side of this issue – http://www.utexas.edu/news/2012/10/18/does-true-love-wait-age-of-first-sexual-experience-predicts-romantic-outcomes-in-adulthood/

    I’m kind of glad I didn’t have a “real” (i.e. not online) relationship until a year or so ago. I feel like I’m mature enough to handle 99% of what comes my way, I’ve found a great guy AND I have a lot less emotional baggage than my friends who were messing around in high school.

  2. I mean, I started dating my husband in high school. Then again, I was always pretty mature. And he did go to a different school… Wouldn’t have touched any of the guys in my high school.

  3. I’m glad other people think along similar lines. I watch my peers and think why do you like all this drama? Girls and guys compare their boyfriends and girlfriends as if they were an aspect of social rank. They post pictures of themselves kissing and gossip about what base they’ve been too. Yes, a relationship an escape for a while. The feelings are intense. But friendship is too. I wonder why it’s socially unacceptable to be friends and still experiment. Most problems would be eliminated, wouldn’t it? No publicity, no possession, no stupid promises that only belong in thy moment ( luv u 5ever babe ). It seems that it would be more real that way. I don’t know, I’m just a socially awkward teen.

    • You. Are. Awesome!
      I love how you summarized all that in such little space!
      And it’s true. One of my best friends has had so much drama over her boyfriends. One of my guy-friends has dated like six different girls and he’s only a sophomore, and most of these ‘relationships’ haven’t lasted more than a month or two.
      We don’t NEED relationships in high school. Too much drama.

      • YES! Same here. One of my guy friends had already ‘dated’ like five people by ninth grade, three of whom are my friends and there were two other friends of mine who liked him and the whole time I was just like “too much drama, too much”.

  4. While nobody knows better than I how stressful and complicated high school relationships can be, I really feel like it’s necessary. The whole ‘talking’, dating, breaking up thing is part of growing up. Just remember to keep a level head and stick to your boundaries. As long as it’s nothing too serious, better to make those kinds of mistakes in high school than when you’re an adult and the consequences are more severe.

    • Learning from OTHERS mistakes is also apart of growing up, and so is taking advice from others who have experience. Preventing it and it never happening doesn’t mean you won’t be wise.We’re talking about hearts being broken, friends being lost, and girls getting pregnant. All because this. It shouldn’t even be happening, and it happens way too much.

  5. I just have to say I’m ridiculously happy about the bit in there about speech. You guys made my day. I was pretty sure no one cares about speech

  6. Okay so I was dating a guy when I was a junior and he was a senior and now he’s in the military and gone all the time. One time he came back and old me he wanted to be able to “Spread his wings”. I kid you not. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. I was like break up with me already so can go eat my lunch!

    Lol so no they’re not really worth it.

  7. A crush alone is distracting enough while you’re trying to listen to the teacher or study. You’re taking notes one moment, and the next you’re finding yourself drawing random doodles(often said crush’s name, over and over). Do we really need the added distraction of actually having a gf/bf? I mean, yeah, I want a boyfriend, but I also know that right now, the majority of the boys I know are probably way too immature to actually have that kind of closeness. I’m probably just going to wait until after I graduate and save myself some trouble. My sister didn’t start dating until a year after she graduated and the guy she dated is now her husband. ‘Nough said, yeah?

      • I’ve had many a crush, and crushes are quite distracting while youre in class. Now I have a boyfried (we’re juniors in high school) for the first week or two that we started dating, yeah I couldnt stop daydreaming about him, but now I can manage my life with him and my school life perfectly well. I spend less time thinking about boys in class now that I have a boyfriend. He makes my life easier and sweet, and my GPA has gone up a lot since we have been together, because he just takes away my stresses.

        I think that relationships are indeed hard, and there is the whole high school relationships are bad thing, but even if we don’t last forever, he is a wonderful part of my life right now and the things I’ve learned from our occasional fights and from my short previous relationship make it worth it. The good times and the bad teach you things that you just cant learn secondhand from what other people have gone through.

        Young people can take more damage and bounce around with less difficulty than old people, isnt that what they tell you? Relationships in high school should not be put down so much.

  8. I’m curious as to why my ex boyfriend is pictured with a giant pink arrow pointing to him under the speech part. That picture was taken while we were still dating at the 2012 state tournament, and it seems like you’re saying he met someone else while he was there? And by the way, there is no national speech tournament. State is as far as you can advance. Think about doing a little more research before you post next time.

  9. I’m a bit concerned as to why there’s a picture of my ex boyfriend in this article, under the speech section. He’s the one with the pink arrow pointing directly at him. We were dating at the time that picture was taken, and the tone of the article makes it seem like you’re insinuating that something happened that I don’t know about. This seems way too bizzare to be a coincidence. By the way, there is no national competition for high school speech. You can’t advance beyond the state level.
    As far as whether or not having a high school boyfriend/girlfriend is a good idea, I don’t see why you shouldn’t. We made it work just fine for almost a year, even though we went to different high schools. We didn’t drag each other down, we supported each other. We were both very active in speech and theatre and we were there to cheer each other on. If both people are willing to make it work, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be just fine.

  10. The (real) purpose of dating is to find someone to marry, to put it simply. And really, how many people are mature enough to get married or start seeking marriage at age 14-18? I’m not saying you should wait until you’re 23 to start dating or anything, but you’ll save yourself a lot of heartbreak and such if you wait till you’re more mature (although I believe many Figgies are slightly more mature than your average high school student…). I know I keep saying stuff like this, but I also realize that many of us, as writers, fantasize about relationships, especially if we’re into writing romance.

    My advice: hang out with friends of the opposite gender. Seriously, they’re amazing. I could go on and on and on about how much I love my guyfriends. And by hanging out with people of the opposite gender, you’ll get to know some things about how they act, think, talk, and display affection without having to be in a relationship, so that when you are in one someday, you won’t be stepping into completely unknown territory.

    • I agree. I don’t judge people who date during High School, because I don’t know all the circumstances surrounding the relationship. In fact, one of my friends is close to getting engaged to her High School sweetheart, and I really think they can make it. BUT…it does bug me when peer pressure tries to make me feel like I’m somehow socially ignorant because I’ve never dated anyone — ever — even though I’ve been out of High School for some time. I’m not interested in dating for the sake of dating. I want to date someone special to me. In the meantime, I think I’m learning everything I need to know by hanging out with guy friends and watching friends and family go through relationships. Just my two cents…

  11. omw omw so true!! all of you out there that say its part of growing up or that its “necessary,” don’t kid urself. get some self confidence. be a single and proud. what, you want “experience” so that when your heart gets broken, you can say that its already been broken b4, so its not bad? confuzzled

  12. THANK YOU! Now when someone asks me why I don’t have a boyfriend I can be like GO READ WHAT FIGMENT SAID!! It’s TGE perfect summarization!

  13. First of all, SPEECH TEAM.

    Also, YES. Figment, you are reinforcing my perpetual fear of anything called “dating.”

    Thanks! 🙂

  14. Wait up.. Right now all you guys are thinking about the negative side of highschool relationships, but what about the positive? For people who are mature enough to handle a year or longer relationship, there are positive things that aren’t “popularity” or “titles”. They can help you mentally and emotionally. Making you feel like you’re wanted, that someone actually does care about you. Some of you say “get some confidence, you’re strong enough” but that’s not always true.. There are a lot of stereotypes about highschool relationships that aren’t always true. Please don’t judge one before you know the whole story.

  15. I believe that, while these are all very good reasons to avoid high school relationships (and I can think of plenty more), the matter is purely the choice of the two people involved. As long as you set clear boundaries, and both people put in the effort to keep the relationship going, it’s possible to have very healthy highschool relationship.

  16. Thank you so freaking much for mentioning speech! Biggest pool of boyfriend material ever, but also biggest distraction for people in relationships and biggest high school spawn of long, but not that long, distance relationships, especially for traveling teams like mine in Bloomington. It is very hard to predict who you will meet because there are almost always new people at a meet, even if you live in a small town or stay in the same sections. State, Nats, and traveling bring in even more people, too. The nice thing is that speech kids tend to be quality kids, really nice and high achieving, willing to help people, a sense of humour, in touch with their emotions, and almost always courteous (at least at speech!). However, it’s hard to keep relationships in speech. Friends, yes, but dating is intense because speech is, so I recommend creating high school ties with speech people, and then trying it out after a year or two! Sometimes you spend enough time you build a healthy, stable relationship by accident, and other times you spend little enough time physically together that you’re always excited to see each other, both good things 🙂 So take it slow is all I’m sayin, because high school relationships are hard, even when the finite pool is opened up by speech!

  17. Although a lot of high school relationships aren’t real, there are the occasional ones that are serious.
    You can usually tell which ones are, you know the one with very few facebook pictures, no public “I love you’s”, and without promises that aren’t kept?

  18. This is totally why I don’t have a boyfriend…
    In all actuality, though, these are all of the reasons why I never pine over guys. Which in turn is why I don’t have a boyfriend.
    Well, that and because I go to an all girls school and am not exactly good at getting out there and meeting people. So, yeah. I can probably count on one hand the number of guys I know… So now that I think about that’s probably why I don’t have a boyfriend.

  19. Guys if you read this now just saying living a life alone is better then wasting it with Some one you dont know if u like stay single u live more freely having a partner just Holds ur life back

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