Valentine’s Day evokes a feeling of anxiety in many people. If you’re dating someone, you might worry as to how elaborate and meaningful the holiday has to be. If you’re single, you might worry as to whether the passing of another 2/14 will bring you that much closer to dying alone. Of course, it’s just another day of the year, but maybe it would help us all to think about the positive minutiae this Thursday will allow us to experience. (And no, dear reader, you’re not going to die alone. Unless that’s your thing.)
Tiny cards with Disney characters from strangers
Why does this not happen every day? It would be a lot easier to get out of bed in the morning knowing there would be a cardboard cutout Minnie-kissing-Mickey waiting for me on my desk, reaffirming that I, too, could experience mouse-love.
A stranger can give you a rose, and it’s not creepy
If a stranger handed me a flower on any other day of the year, I’d be like, “No money, sorry.” But on Valentine’s Day, I’d accept it as I got out my wallet and a very publicly displayed vase.
You’re lauded as cool for having sick poetry skills
Valentine’s Day is like the Super Bowl for those of us who like to write in verse. If you can come up with something that starts with “Roses are red” and ends in something praising the reader’s demeanor, you’ll be sure to get whatever end goal (sports reference?) you were going for.
You feel better about yourself for having eaten junk food
When else can we shove sugar down our throats while simultaneously internalizing the mantras, “UR COOL” and “SWEET THANG”? Yoga chants got nothing on the compliments found in a bag of candy hearts (nor is yoga tasty).
You throw an anti-Valentine’s Day party, only to end up the center of a multi-character romantic comedy
So here’s what could possibly happen on V-day 2k13: You’re sitting alone in the cute little bookstore you work at. Unfortunately, no one has showed up for the Anti-Valentine’s Day party you so painstakingly organized. You’re about to pack it in when an awkward but attractive man in a peacoat rushes through and says he needs to buy a cookbook — he’s making V-day dinner for his sweetheart because the restaurant was overbooked. You sigh, point him in the right direction, and gaze wistfully as he hurries away to his probably undeserving girlfriend. Not 10 minutes later, a hot but undeserving blonde lady enters with another attractive man (this one much edgier), and they ask for a travel book — they’re eloping to Paris. You secretly roll your eyes as you pull something outdated — they’ll never notice. As the lady goes to pay, she puts her iPhone down on the counter. You notice her screen is lighting up: the first guy is texting, wondering where she is! (His picture pops up because she saved him in her contacts like that duh). While she’s not looking, you swipe the phone and reply: meet me at the bookstore. The lady leaves, and Guy #1 (his name is Josh) comes rushing back. You tell him you have no idea what he’s talking about, you haven’t seen any lady, but hey, maybe he should try texting her again. He does, and when she responds that she’s eloping to Paris with an edgy guy, you’re there to comfort him. Only simultaneously, your best male friend shows up, he has always loved you, and oh, my God, it’s Hugh Grant…
You see a baby with an arrow and you’re like, “Hit me! Hit me!” instead of confiscating the weapon
Usually, Babies + Arrows = A Call To DCFS. But each February 14, everybody celebrates the imagery of an under-clothed, neglected, antisocial infant running around and archer-ing people. I guess that’s kinda cool. So long as his parents are at least attentive enough to not try to fly.
What other awesome things only happen on Valentine’s Day? Feel free to add on in the comments!