Hey, do you remember me? It’s me, your fearless recapper. It’s been so long! After mistakenly believing that I could live this life forever three weeks ago, I was distraught when I turned on the TV the next Thursday only to find out The Vampire Diaries were no more. I ran outside and cursed the heavens! No cruel world, you cannot be doing this to me, I yelled. I ran to Emily (spoiler alert: your beloved Emily is my roommate) and cried “No, it can’t be so.” Things became dark, I spent many a Thursday wandering around aimlessly. I watched old interviews with Candice Accola on Youtube. I got really into Smash (serious download “Heart Shaped Wreckage” the title is horrendous, but I can’t stop listening). But now our show has returned and I have purpose again.
So let’s begin!
After turning all her emotions off last episode, this episode finds Elena, well, frankly, super fun and intriguing. She’s walking around naked, cheerleading like it ain’t nothing but a thang, and making Damon and Stefan feel bad about themselves. I know that Elena having her emotions off is a bad thing that can only lead to something terrible down the line, but for now I think this direction is a lot better than the standstill she seemed to be at when she was rejecting being a vampire.
The episode begins with Elena lying in the road. A car drives up and a woman gets out to help her. “I don’t feel anything,” Elena tells the woman honestly. Then she sneaks up on her and bites her neck. And we’re off! Damon stops Elena before she kills the woman, but the scene still felt like a nod to the early episodes where Damon killed someone before every opening title card.
Everyone—and I do mean everyone because apparently Caroline showers at the Salvatores’ since there’s vervain in the water supply—decides that Elena should go back to high school (beauty school dropout). The one moment in this episode that had me choking up was when Elena grabbed the flyer for Jeremy’s memorial on the school bulletin board. “TOO SOON!” I wrote, only with way more letters.
But next to that sad Jeremy flyer was one for cheerleading and just like that we see Elena looking banging in a cheerleading uniform.
It’s very weird for me to focus on Elena in these recaps—I know, I know, she’s the main character—but her storyline this week was actually the best, so I’m just gonna quickly knock out the other ones. First storyline, Hayley’s back—gag—and she’s having sex with Klaus—double gag.
I feel a little bad being so mean to Hayley’ the actress does a nice job. I just love Caroline so much that I don’t like someone blowing up her spot (did I use that correctly?) Anyway, Klaus wants to know where Katherine is, so he tries to get information from Hayley by . . . seducing it out of her I guess? We see his paintings again and he’s super honest about exactly what they mean—SIDE RANT: One of my least favorite notes to get on creative writing projects is “show, don’t tell” but oh man if I had read the monologue he gives Hayley about painting teaching him control in draft I would have written “show don’t tell” all over it—and she is all, “Am I supposed to be impressed?” And then they sleep together. And then he tells her her birthmark is from a Louisiana clan—no one cares—so maybe she’s gone for good. Except probably not because why would they bring her back just for this?
Other side story, Damon goes to find a vampire that Klaus bit in order to protect Hayley (so that he could interrogate/seduce her). Rebekah tags along, because she has her brothers blood i.e. the only way to save this mystery vampire from dying from a wolf bite. We learn that someone’s been stealing blood from all the hospitals. Spoiler: It’s probably Silas. Except, homeboy really wouldn’t just be killing people? Does that make sense?
Third side story, Caroline (oh man, it pains me to put Caroline here, it hurts so much) has been calling Tyler and telling him how she feels and what’s going on. In the end of the episode she gets a letter from him saying he’s signed the deed of his house over to Matt and that he’s not coming back. But didn’t everyone think this was already established? Like, wasn’t it fairly clear when he left that he was gone forever (until the huge battle at the end of the season)?
Where was Bonnie this episode? I get that she goes away for random periods of time, but it seemed kind of like her momentum had been building.
Back to Elena.
So turns out she just wanted to be a cheerleader so she could feed on cheerleaders from opposing teams. Darn that vervain infested water. Also, turns out that the sire bond stopped working on Elena after she turned her humanity off. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! That seems a little convenient. Quit playing these games VD! Why wouldn’t everyone just turn their humanity off to break sire bonds then? That makes no sense!
Caroline gets mad that Elena fed off a cheerleader and Elena retaliates by dropping Caroline during the cheer routine. I felt like I wanted one shot of Caroline lying on the ground pretending to be hurt—because she’d be fine right? – and really just being pissed.
Elena runs off after dropping Caroline, but Stefan’s right there trying to get her to calm down. She’s not really having it, so he takes another tactic. He tells her they should go have fun at a dive bar and then when she’s almost hooked he STABS HER WITH VERVAIN.
Elena wakes up at Salvatore Mansion and starts texting (important!). She then proceeds to undress in front of Stefan again and insult his manhood. She doesn’t have feelings anymore, she doesn’t have to be nice. And then in like, no time whatsoever—guys, house parties don’t just randomly happen, you can’t like mass text people and have them show up ten minutes later—a bunch of high schoolers are partying at Salvatore Mansion.
Elena’s dancing on tables (as she does) and Stefan is worrying (as he does), until Caroline tells him that he should just take the night off and have FUN (period, the band, I assume that’s what she means). So he picks her up and carries her to the dance floor. I’m no Staroline (I refuse to look up their real shipping name) fan, but darnit if my heart didn’t flutter.
But wait, is Elena jealous? Can you feel jealousy with no emotions? Idk, she seems pretty annoyed when she goes over to talk to a laughing Stefan and Caroline. And she seems to be retaliating when she tells the sheriff, who obviously was going to need to shut this whole party down, that Caroline was rebounding and then tries to bite the Sheriff. Caroline obviously is NOT having that.
After attacking the sheriff, Elena escapes to the woods, Caroline and Stefan follow. Stefan tells Caroline to snap Elena’s neck without hesitation, but of course she hesitates. The fight between Elena and Caroline would have been way better if Caroline seemed to be fighting back at all. What actually happens is Elena almost KILLS Caroline (my heart!), but Damon shows up to stop her.
In the end, Stefan and Caroline decide they have to keep fighting for Elena (despite the whole, she tried to kill Caroline thing), because she never gave up on Stefan when he turned dark.
Oh, and Damon found that vampire who had been bitten by Klaus. The vampire’s name is Will and he knows Damon. So Damon rips his heart out. So . . . we’ll find out about that eventually I guess. Shouldn’t everyone be a little more worried about what Silas could be doing . . .
NOPE! The episode really ends with Elena and Damon driving off to New York City. They’re coming to find me! Next week’s gonna be fun.
Catch up on past Vampire Diaries recaps:
Episode 15: Stand By Me
Episode 14: Down the Rabbit Hole
Episode 13: Into the Wild
Episode 12: A View to Kill
Episode 11: Catch Me If You Can
Episode 10: After School Special
Episode 9: O Come All Ye Faithful
Episode 8: We’ll Always Have Bourbon Street
Episode 7: My Brother’s Keeper
Episode 6: We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes
Episode 5: The Killer
Episode 4: The Five
Episode 3: The Rager
Episode 2: Memorial