When Text Messages Fall Short

Image: JohnnyMrNinja

Murphy’s Law of Text Messages dictates that if any person gets a vague text message from a friend, said receiver will inevitably assume the worst intent and temporarily lose his/her mind. We’re an anxious species.  However, we can save ourselves from turning into illogical monsters by sending and receiving more effectively.   Why not spend less time freaking out over communication snafus with our friends when we can devote ourselves to critical endeavors like deciphering Amanda Bynes’ cryptic tweets

TEXT: “Can’t hang out 2nite.”

RECEIVER ASSUMPTIONS:
“I’m so mad at you because you spoiled this week’s Mad Men and you will pay for it via my passive-aggression.”
“I’m hanging out with Stephanie instead, and we’re new BFFs.”
“There is a full moon tonight and I’m a werewolf.”
“I was eaten by a bear and I’m typing from its stomach.”

SENDER INTENT: “Soccer practice ran late, sorry!”

Image: MM Public Relations

TEXT: “qwpexproetr8yjrefldpcjiwnefknewuhwqpvngj”

RECEIVER ASSUMPTIONS:
“I’m so mad at you. I can’t even handle typing right now.”
“STEPHANIE AND I CREATED A LANGUAGE.”
“I’ve been abducted by aliens. HELPPPPP!”
“I was eaten by a tiger and I’m typing from its stomach.”

SENDER INTENT: <Accidental butt text.>

ImageJeremy Thompson

TEXT: “Barf.”

RECEIVER ASSUMPTIONS:
“I’m so mad at you that the sight of your face nauseates me.”
“Stephanie and I are playing Pictionary and drew your face for the word ‘vomit’!”
“I’m dying from the swine flu. I’m too weak to type anything else.”
“I was eaten by an alligator and I’m typing from its stomach.”

SENDER INTENT: “I’m bored sick.”

ImageNational Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases

TEXT: “wut size shoe do u wear?”

RECEIVER ASSUMPTIONS:
“I’m so mad at you because I have no idea what size shoe you wear. I thought we were true friends.”
“Stephanie and I are taking bets on how giant your feet are, you Sasquatch.”
“I am making a life-sized robot of you and I need exact dimensions.”
“I was eaten by a whale and I’m typing from its stomach.”

SENDER INTENT: “Could I borrow your tap shoes for a costume? You’re the best!”

Image: Gnashes30

TEXT:  “Orange juice.”

RECEIVER ASSUMPTIONS:
“I’m mad at you because you said your favorite juice was apple the other day.”
“If you want to sit with us at lunch, bring some Tropicana because Stephanie thinks you have scurvy.”
“Let’s discuss OJ Simpson trial theories.”
“I was eaten by a pack of raccoons and I’m typing from several stomachs.”

SENDER INTENT: “Oops, I meant to send that to my mom!”

Image: Scott Bauer

39 thoughts on “When Text Messages Fall Short

    • I agree. It’s a dangerous situation that must be acknowledged! Save the People-who’ve-been-eaten-by-stuff-while-texting!

      *A note from the PWBEBSWT co.

  1. This is priceless, I love it!
    We ought to warn people about being eaten by various animals and then texting from their stomachs. Maybe we can feed them Stephanie instead.

  2. I use something among “qwpexproetr8yjrefldpcjiwnefknewuhwqpvngj” when I’m fangirling and can’t handle the feels.

  3. I totally need this kind of reference guide! You figgies are sooooo hilarious. I love you!

    I know the place that the alien picture was taken. I went to Universal in Orlando and that was one of the sets in the Men in Black 3 rollercoaster ride. AWESOME!

    ~Zanny

  4. This Stephanie character is a concern. Maybe she’s feeding your friends to these various animals and then sending these misdials and butt texts to freak you out. I’d look into that.

  5. Oh my God, YES! Haha this Stephanie does not sound like a very nice person. And I text my friends things like aldhaiehanlkgnalpdkf all the time! XD They do not assume that Stephanie and I made up a language, however. 🙂

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