What You Can Learn From Your Crush’s Spotify Library

Spotify LogoYour crush’s Spotify library can tell you a lot about his or her romantic intentions. In fact, you might just be surprised at exactly how much it can tell you. 

Country: Country boys sing about the beauty in life’s simple things, like dirt roads, pickup trucks, and their dogs. But they all have at least one or two tracks apologizing to a lost love for breaking her heart. Carrie Underwood was so paranoid, she wrote a song called “Before He Cheats.” Be warned.

Hip-Hop: A girl boasting a playlist with tunes by The Notorious B.I.G., Jay-Z, and Wu-Tang Clan has impeccable taste. It is good to date people with taste. However, keep in mind that before Jay-Z became one-half of the most awesome couple in the entire world, he wrote songs like “99 Problems.” That’s a lot of problems for a potential boyfriend.

Folk/Pop Rock: Mumford & Sons has gone mainstream and, like John Mayer and Jason Mraz before them, the boys in this band have no problem laying their feelings on the line. I’d put money on a guy with this kind of musical taste sending you a bunch of songs to describe how he feels about you.

Death Metal: Be careful with this kind of person. Let’s be honest, this music is downright scary. There’s no way he doesn’t have some pent-up anger. Probably has an iffy relationship with his parents too.

Classic Rock: Everyone loves classic rock. But if this girl doesn’t have any songs from the past 20 years and spends all her time talking about how “all music these days is crap,” she’s a cynic. No one likes cynics.

EDM: This dude loves partying. There aren’t too many EDM love ballads, as far as I know. Go for it if you want a quick fling.

Céline Dion: While there’s value in sentimentality, you might find this lady too overbearing. If you can handle being told how amazing you are every 10 minutes without getting squicked out, this is your person.

Bands With Ambiguous Names That Could Also Be The Name of a Bicycle Store: Elitist hipster. His music will always be better than yours – in his mind.

Classical Music/Movie Scores: An intellectual who doesn’t need words to describe how she feels. Still, she’s probably really good with words and got a perfect 36 on her ACT. Most likely plays piano too. She’ll probably write you a lyric-less concerto at some point.

Top 40: This dude can’t really think for himself, unfortunately. If a guy relies solely on Ryan Seacrest to tell him/her what to listen to, he’s got a lot of self-discovery to do.

 

Good luck, people. Hope this helps a little bit. Wish I could stay around to see how it all works out, but I have to go. Céline Dion music doesn’t listen to itself, after all!

6 thoughts on “What You Can Learn From Your Crush’s Spotify Library

  1. Pop rock and folk should not be the same category. *eyeroll* But that’s the least of the issues in this…

    Guys who like country are cheaters?
    Listening to “death metal” means he probably has issues with his parents?
    A guy likes party music therefore he’s only good for short term relationships?
    And liking top 40 means you can’t think for yourself?

    Jesus Christ. Stop. Stop right there.

    You can’t really can’t get into specifics about someone’s personality based solely on the music they listen to.

    A guy might like party music because he likes to party. You can be a partier and still be in and appreciate a committed relationship.

    A guy might like death metal because he’s really angry and perhaps rather than try to calm him down his parents let him express his anger through music or choice of clothing or posters or whatever.

    In my personal experience every die-hard country fan I’ve ever met is also a die-hard Christian… One of the main concepts of Christianity goes something like “thou shalt not be a cheating scumbag”…

    My best friend is one of the most intelligent people I know and he listens to whatever the fuck is on the radio (i.e. top 40). He doesn’t care enough about music to find anything else. Just because he listens to stuff that’s provided to him by corporations doesn’t mean he can’t think for himself.

  2. Pop rock and folk should not be the same category. *eyeroll* But that’s the least of the issues in this…

    Guys who like country are cheaters?
    Listening to “death metal” means he probably has issues with his parents?
    A guy likes party music therefore he’s only good for short term relationships?
    And liking top 40 means you can’t think for yourself?

    Jesus Christ. Stop. Stop right there.

    You really can’t get into specifics about someone’s personality based solely on the music they listen to.

    A guy might like party music because he likes to party. You can be a partier and still be in, and appreciate, a committed relationship.

    A guy might like death metal because he’s really angry and perhaps rather than try to calm him down his parents let him express his anger through music or choice of clothing or posters or whatever.

    In my personal experience every die-hard country fan I’ve ever met is also a die-hard Christian… One of the main concepts of Christianity goes something like “thou shalt not be a cheating scumbag”…

    My best friend is one of the most intelligent people I know and he listens to whatever is on the radio (i.e. top 40). He doesn’t care enough about music to find anything else. Just because he listens to stuff that’s provided to him by corporations doesn’t mean he can’t think for himself.

  3. Okay, so I feel the whole death metal “angry at his/her parents and pent-up anger” is very stereotypical.

    I absolutley love death metal, but I’m a happy person. Yes, there are times when death metal and screamo music make me feel better, like when I’m made at my parents or something at school makes me feel like crap. But, 99% of the time, death metal and screamo is just good to listen to.

    Please stop stereotyping people just on what they listen to. That’s like saying all black people like watermelons. Just down right stereotypical.

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