You’ve heard the student council prom committee say it an unfathomable number of times: Prom will be a night to remember!!!!! Unfortunately, as years pass, prom falls into the same memory bank space reserved for winter formals, Sadie Hawkins dances, ice cream socials, meet-the-teacher nights and cafeteria taco bar Fridays. If you want prom to hold its own over time, please submit at least one of the following to the planning committee. If they understand the value of beautiful, irreplaceable memories, they will thank you.
1. Bring in Beyonce
Tap every potential connection to the Queen of Everything. Use the “Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon Theory”, but apply it to Beyonce. Someone you know must know someone who knows someone…et cetera…who knows Beyonce! The sleuthing will be worth it, because for the rest of your life you could throw it in anyone’s face. “Oh, you were named the ‘new Mark Zuckerberg’? Where does that rank on the ‘I did the “Single Ladies” dance with Beyonce at my high school prom’ scale?” No one could fault you for it.
2. Get SO EXTREME!
Somehow, the prom committee manages to clear the theme “Attend at Your Own Risk!”. You won’t be able to determine if it is fun-scary or just plain scary. There will be a fire-breather roaming around the venue. The planners hide a bed of nails somewhere below the paper-thin dance floor. Every hour on the hour a venomous snake will be released into the crowd. When the prom queen and king are crowned, the student body president will pull a cord hanging from the ceiling which will release one hundred bats. You’ll forget anyone showed up wearing your dress because you’ll be preoccupied with battling the piranhas in the bunch bowl.
3. Slip ‘N Slide Prom
It would be ludicrous to hold the prom at an actual water park, but why not turn your venue into a miniature Typhoon Lagoon?! Don’t bother with a dance floor. Cover the general area with rows and rows of Slip ‘N Slides. Set up multiple slide water slides (plastic backyard slide + a hose). Think of the photographs! Every finely-constructed updo drenched, dresses weighed down with water, and cheekbones covered in runny mascara. The picture of you and your date soggily smiling in front of a sprinklered backdrop would rightfully remain on your mantle for eternity.
4. Ditch the DJ & Hire a Harpist
Prom bands were so 1990s. Prom DJs were so early 2000s. It is 2013, and we must grab this decade by the collar and demand it get with the musical program! The answer is THE HARP. If you can find a harpist who can play pop covers, that’d be cool BUT do not overestimate the power of classical music. All the better if your theme really contrasts with the gentle sounds of the harp; think Firefly, Viva Las Vegas or the apocalypse! Anything that will emphasize the soothing sounds of the harp.
5. Scary Masks
Require everyone wear horror movie character masks. Don’t let anyone into the dance without one. It’ll be the closest thing to the Hellmouth opening up and crashing the Sunnydale prom. Your dreams will forever be haunted by the memory of Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kreuger and Jigsaw breaking it down to “Gangnam Style”.