Things I Know About Harry Potter Based on Working at Figment

I have a confession to make: I’ve never read any of the Harry Potter books. But since I work at Figment, it’s impossible not to learn a little bit about the series by osmosis. When I finally get around to reading the series (this summer, I promise!), here are a few things I already know.

1. Harry is an orphan. And a wizard. But he’s not just any wizard, he’s like the most amazing wizard of ALL TIME.

2. His best friend is Ron Weasley, who is kind of the anti-Harry. Ron is sort of like the ultimate boy: dorky, funny, unfocused. We all know someone like Ron.

3. Harry also hangs out with Hermione, who is a crazy smart overachiever. At first you think that Hermione and Harry might get together, but she ends up with Ron.

4. Which apparently is one of the best romances. Ever.

5. Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to the special wizard boarding school, Hogwarts, where they do special wizard-y things like play Quidditch, an insane sport that’s something like sentient lacrosse on broomsticks. Edward Cullen from Twilight is an excellent Quidditch player.

6. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are bullied by Draco, who is a tiny magical Billy Idol.

7. Ron Weasley has a ton of siblings, including twin brothers. In the last book, one of the twins dies. It’s heartbreaking. Especially because they would have been a really amazing team on whatever the magical edition of The Amazing Race is.

8. A muggle is someone with no magical ability. The only thing worse in the Potter world than being called a muggle is actually being a muggle.

9. Harry’s mortal enemy is Voldemort. Something terrible happened to Voldemort’s nose and that’s why he’s so evil.

10. Alan Rickman plays Severus Snape in the movies. Everyone who loves Harry Potter loves Alan Rickman by association. This crush is a little weird because Alan Rickman is old.

11. In the end there’s a big battle. Voldemort dies. And Harry lives. I think. Because that’s why everyone is always saying, He’s the boy who lives. Unless they mean, like, “in our hearts,” which would be kind of lame and cheatery.

12. All of Harry’s adventures might just be a figment of his imagination. He might still just be an orphan living under the stairs. But let’s hope not.


13 thoughts on “Things I Know About Harry Potter Based on Working at Figment

  1. This was brilliant: especially #10. Though…this whole list is remarkable, so it’s difficult to narrow it down to one. Though the GIFs were fantastic.

  2. Number 12 just gave me this horrible idea.
    What if Harry Potter really was just imagining his adventures? Maybe he was just an ordinary orphan who lived in a cupboard under the stairs. So to avoid boredom, he created his adventures (including Ron and Hermione based on his traumatic memories of his parents’ car crash, which he survived, but with a lightning shaped scar. The only time he acknowledged it was all a dream was when Dumbledore said, “Of course this is in your head, but that doesn’t make it any less real.” WHAT IF?!

  3. This is okay, but most of it is wrong, but since you haven’t read them yet i’ll give you a 5 of 10.

  4. Oh my god I loved the Voldemort piece! 🙂 And I went to the It’s In Your Head Harry thing. It’s weird and sad! I like it better the way it is, personally. 😀 But this was great! 🙂 LOVE HARRY POTTER!!!

  5. Congratulations! You know all there is to know about HP. No need to read the books any more unless you want to remake the movies.

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