6 Terrible Gifts for Your Favorite Teacher

photo by thanker212

You want to give your favorite educator a thank-you gift at the end of the year? How thoughtful! Unfortunately, you’re plumb out of ideas. Typically, I’d say “it’s the thought that counts,” but sometimes, the result eclipses the intent. In a negative way. Steer clear of presenting your teacher with any of the following “gifts”:

 

A Ped Egg

Ped Egg callus remover

photo by stevendepolo

Do not give your teacher a Ped Egg. “But it comes in zebra print!” will not sway me. Your teacher will wonder what possessed you to give him a cheese grater for his hooves. Don’t bother asking him for a letter of recommendation in the future, because he’ll be too busy questioning your judgment…and Ped Egging his callouses. Gross.

 

A Pair of Jeans

photo by KALX999

Your rationale: your teacher dresses up every day for class, so why not encourage her to embrace casual Friday? Well, this will backfire. If you guess her jean size incorrectly, you will 1) offend her AND 2) set her up to spend an hour of her weekend exchanging pants. But it is significantly worse if you do buy her the correct jean size. She will be freaked out. How do you know what size she wears?!?!?! And she may HATE casual Friday. You can’t win with this one.

 

Toiletries

Axe products

photo by Dannycas

Don’t be the weirdo who gives your teacher shampoo, no matter how luxurious it may be. This goes for toothpaste, deodorant, conditioner, hair gel, soap…you get it. It doesn’t matter if it is a roll-on sweat-stopper from the drug store or a gorgeous deodorant imported from Spain. You may as well tell him that you think he both figuratively and literally stinks. Way to unintentionally challenge your teacher’s hygiene.

 

A Plunger

plunger

photo from Wikimedia

Yes, this is a practical item. Points for being pragmatic. But imagine your teacher’s face when she unwraps the box to find a device designed for, um, “remedying” a toilet.  And come on, do you really want your teacher forever associating you with the porcelain throne?

 

A Murder of Crows

Your teacher loves Edgar Allen Poe. You won’t find any ravens, so you will catch 12 crows and lug them to class in an enormous cage. You will leave a trail of bird droppings as you walk through your school. And your teacher will be nothing short of horrified. He will have no choice but to call animal control. And your parents.

 

A Pillow

You are obsessed with memory foam pillows, and you know you would love one as a gift. Bingo? More like bing-no. Your teacher will be confused; are you calling her class a snoozefest? Do you think she’s cranky and could use more sleep? Were you worried she didn’t have a pillow at all, therefore negatively impacting her spine alignment? Do you think she has terrible posture?! Vindictively, she will use it as a cushion for her classroom desk chair.

Yikes. Maybe a gift card to Outback Steakhouse isn’t such a bad idea after all…

12 thoughts on “6 Terrible Gifts for Your Favorite Teacher

  1. Phew! *Wipes forehead* I was so thinking about giving my teacher jeans for the end of the school year. Glad I read this, you saved my life!

  2. You can’t go wrong with cookies. Unless they’re allergic…. or are on a diet. Then you’re just taunting them.

    • I usually give cookies and a nice card. The only problem is finding a good sticker to seal the envelope with. My male teachers have all been getting either Scooby-Doo or bug stickers because all my other stickers are butterflies or hearts. Awkward to give, especially to the male teacher who I used to have a crush on (no, actually I still have a crush on him).

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