It’s summer concert season! You’re amped to go see Justin Timberlake & Jay-Z/Taylor Swift/Maroon 5, but we all know they’re even more amped to go on tour. Because they have the power to create outlandish and extravagant concert riders. Some artists go a little wild with their lists of demands, but can you blame ‘em? If you end up a rock star or pop icon one day, here are some crazy-amazing (cramazing) stipulations you should include in your contract. You know, if you want to be [in]famous indefinitely.
Fountain of Youth
Like, the actual fountain that produces the magical youth water. I’m surprised this isn’t already a thing that artists regularly demand. Sure, its existence is murky at best, but it can’t hurt to ask. Botox and surgery seem so painful and time-consuming. Why not ask for the mythological elixir and bathe the wrinkles away?
A Levitating Lavatory
Well, if you’re going to use the restroom, you might as well make it exhilarating. And potentially dangerous. A port-a-potty elevated by hydraulics would set you apart from the divas asking for new toilet seats at every tour stop.
A Bucket of Rubies
Where does one even procure a ruby? Are rubies a real thing? Or are they diamonds dyed with food coloring? Did some research, found out that they’re real. Anyway, a bucket of rubies would seem so fancy and ridiculous. Because who needs a bucket o’ rubies?!
A Different Endangered Animal at Every Stop
This is incredibly demanding for a few reasons. 1) As implied by the title, endangered animals aren’t easy to come by. 2) Someone will be charged with handling the animal (some of which inevitably will be dangerous), so the venue will have to pay for an animal handler. And 3) each venue will have to contact the other tour stops and verify that there isn’t any overlap with the animals. Because you cannot hang out with the same endangered animal twice.
A Velvet Cape Dipped in Gold
It would be extremely heavy…WITH OPULENCE. It would have zero movement, but at the very least you’d look like a million bucks walking from your private jet to your dressing room. And that is all that matters.
A Never-Ending Supply of Root Beer Floats
The one-two punch of ice cream and sugary soda may not be the best for the vocal chords, but it’s the best for morale. And by “never-ending” I don’t mean “a bunch of root beer floats that could potentially run out.” I mean “enough root beer and ice cream to last for forever.” It might be excessive, but endless root beer floats is what being a star is all about.