You may be hundreds of miles away from the ocean, but you want nothing more than to hang out in saltwater and sand. Don’t worry! There is a simple solution: bring the beach to your own home.
Clear the Area
Remove all furniture and wall hangings. Even the TV. Store everything in a safe place that isn’t the living room. Your parents might freak out when they see the ottoman and coffee table stacked next to the washing machine, but tell them it is for a good cause. They’ll understand.
Paint the walls and ceiling sky blue and work in some light clouds for texture. Don’t make it too cloudy. Unless of course you like a cloudy beach day.
Tarp it Up
Cover the floor with tarp. Use painter’s tape to secure the tarp to the baseboards. This will prevent a majority of the sand from making its way into the carpet. However, some sand will still get into the carpet, because sand has perfected the art of being a pest.
Pour enough sand on the tarp to create a substantial layer. I’m not much at math or guesstimating, but I’m going to say 16,000 lbs worth of sand will cover the average living room. Hopefully, your living room isn’t higher than the ground floor. Again, not a mathematician or guesstimatician, but I don’t know if a second-story room can support that weight.
The Heat is On
Rig some heat lamps up in one corner of the room. This is supposed to function as an artificial sun, so the brighter and hotter, the better.
Bring in some seagulls. Yeah, they’re aggressive and dirty but they are an integral factor of the beach experience. Just give them a PB&J sandwich to fight over and they’ll leave you alone . . . temporarily.
At one end of the room (the “ocean end”), set up a row of fans. Keep a spray bottle handy. Take turns with a friend or sibling spraying the water into (not against!) the wind created by the fans to replicate an ocean breeze. This isn’t a fun job, but someone has to do it.
Procure one of those “beach sounds” CDs. Or look for a playlist on iTunes. Blast the “songs” on a stereo. The real and recorded gull squawks will blend together harmoniously.
Don’t get caught at the beach without chairs, towels, umbrellas, snacks, binoculars, et cetera. You’ve committed this far, so don’t skip out on the essentials.
I suppose you can scoop up all of the sand in the tarp and dump it in a playground or dirt lot somewhere. You might need a tow truck or crane to hoist the tarp full of sand out of your home. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to vacuum it all up. Hmm . . . it might be easier to go to the real beach after all.