The Real World’s 28th season is winding down, and I’ll admit that I watch it as a guilty pleasure. Something about seven strangers picked to live in a house to scream at each other about who used the last of the toilet paper is soothing background noise for me. But what would it be like if the cast was made up of fictional TV characters from assorted shows? Oh that’s right, it’d be the best television show in history.
Abed Nadir from Community
The potential for meta moments on a reality show would be too much for Abed to handle. He would be hyper aware of the presence of the cameras and the story arcs “encouraged” by the producers. He’d break the fourth wall 90% of the time, and the crew would continuously ask him to stop. But Abed cannot be stopped. The producers would give up and just let him address the camera even when outside of the Confessional Room.
Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time
Oh my glob, this is an obvious choice. LSP’s emotions are like wading through murky waters; you might get to the riverbank unharmed, or your leg may end up in the mouth of a gator. She would inevitably fall in love with every male housemate, and her Confessional Room moments would be the stuff of dreams. And does anyone have a worse work ethic than LSP? Whatever part-time job assigned to the housemates would be too much for LSP to handle, even if it is as simple as taking out the trash at a movie theater. Every episode would promise at least four LSP breakdowns.
Jonah Ryan from Veep
Jonah, the Vice President’s liaison to the White House, is a smart yet obnoxious doofus. His level of antagonistic behavior is off the charts, which is a key ingredient for a successful season of RW. His work in D.C. has fostered his resilience to the insults of others, which would make him a tough and annoying opponent. I would love to watch Jonah mercilessly taunt housemates and shrug off any retort thrown his way.
Winston Bishop from New Girl
Winston loves pranks! Every RW housemate ever HATES pranks! Fortunately for Winston, he’s terrible at executing pranks, so his roommates wouldn’t get mad at him. His adorable weirdness would make it impossible to harbor any ill-will toward him anyway. He’d also be the voice of reason in the house, and every season needs that. I can’t put my finger on why I feel this way, but I think he and LSP would end up BFFs.
Malory Archer from Archer
Every season needs a politically-incorrect, unapologetically offensive ratings-generator, and Malory would be the perfect candidate. She would be the oldest housemate in show history, but that’s irrelevant; she can party like a 20-something. Also, she would masterfully pit other housemates against each other for her own personal gain. And rather than invite her husband or son to visit, she’d host Trudy Beekman at the house . . . to gloat.
Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation
He’s a dumb sweetheart who plays in a rock band and only wants to have a good time. He would be the requisite “guy’s guy” of the house who wouldn’t mind eating dinner off of a frisbee if it meant he could spend less time doing dishes and more time pretending to be an FBI agent. And his phone conversations with April would be EPIC. And April’s visit would be DOUBLE EPIC.
Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones
Whoa, it would be wonderful to see Sansa in a lighthearted environment for a change. She’d be the “too beautiful and too kind for her own good” member of the house. Her naivety would be a constant source of conflict; while she is empathetic, she would have trouble reading other people. Every interaction with Jonah would be a sea of misfires. Also, Sansa doesn’t party unless she has to, so she’d have little to no patience for her roommates’ antics. She’d leave the house after a month.