Last week, two of my favorite contestants on The Voice were booted from the show. I think the words “never,” “watch,” “this,” and “again” came out of my mouth. (We all know I’m going to watch it again. I say wild things when I’m angry, okay?!) And as the show draws to a close, we will only continue to lose wonderful singers. It’s the nature of the beast that is the reality competition show. Here is how to handle saying goodbye to the singers you loved most in a healthy and constructive way:
Bake hundreds of cookies. Baking is therapeutic. Eating cookies is therapeutic. All of it is a welcome distraction from the truth: you don’t care who wins The Voice anymore.
Write alternate-ending fan-fic. Channel all of that pain and heartache into crafting a story about Judith Hill winning it all. With each tear-soaked page, you’ll find a piece of your shattered heart. And hey, it’s your imagination; so if you want to orchestrate a four-way tie, go for it. Whatever makes you feel better.
Go on an intense YouTube/Hulu binge. Watch every video you can find of your beloved Voice-r for 5 days straight. You will be teleported to a time when said contestant was still in the running. Just be warned that once you end the marathon, your rediscovered sense of hope will quickly evaporate.
Embrace retail therapy. And I don’t mean “Go buy yourself a few Blu-Rays.” To properly fill the void left by your favorite Voice singer, you need to buy a yacht, a Lamborghini, a Lisa Vanderpump-level wardrobe…something serious. The years of debt will be worth it.
Do the Eat Pray Love thing. Pack a bag and go on a spiritual journey overseas. If you don’t have a passport, hole up in a nearby cabin. Find yourself and rebuild. The Voice has put you through a lot, and you need this.
Cry your eyes out. It’s cathartic. Invite your friends over so that you can weep on their shoulders. A true friend will empathize with you regarding all-things The Voice. If they don’t, kick them to the curb.