Season 3, Episode 5, “ The First Time”
If you’re a few episodes behind (wait–Quinn isn’t pregnant?), you should check out last week’s Gleecap here.
This week, instead of the show’s usual types of musical numbers–emotional slow-mo-hallway-walk songs and/or hastily thrown together but impeccably choreographed and costumed performances–a lot of the episode’s songs came from rehearsals of McKinley High’s first musical, West Side Story. So when Hottie McHotshot (a.k.a. Sebastian, the new, gay, sexually charged, wannabe home-wrecker lead singer of the Warblers) enters, we hear Santana’s voiceover crooning lines from “A Boy Like That.”
So we could talk about Artie’s quickly forgiven power trip, or Coach Beiste’s first date with her long-time crush. We could talk about the cameo David “Baby Bear” Karofsky makes in a gay bar. But this episode was about one thing and one thing only. The nitty. The gritty . . .
Intertwined fingers hand holding.
Okay, so this episode was really about Rachel (virgin) and Finn, and Kurt (virgin) and Blaine (virgin) having sex for the first time. And this was hyped up to no end as reports of parent organizations protesting the episode broke. What prefaced this week’s Glee? Whoop whoop! That’s the sound of the police. And by police, I clearly mean irate parents with plastic handcuffs trying to keep their children from observing the kind of PG-13 smut network television is known for. All the sturm und drang and be-pitchforked parents led the producers to post a warning before the episode started: There. Will. Be. Mild. Sexual. Situations.
Which apparently means talking about sex, lots of tongueless kissing, and some seriously provocative hand holding. Despite the lack of physicality actually shown on screen, we know both couples went through with it. I mean, Rachel and Finn were in front of a fireplace. That’s just what happens in front of fireplaces.
Low point: The prop female that showed up during the Warblers’ rendition of “Uptown Girl.” It’s an all-boys school! Was she a teacher? Was she a tutor? Was she conveniently walking through the hallway at the same time as the performance? That last one can’t be right–in true Glee style, she knew all the choreography.
High point: Kurt asks, “Have you ever had the urge just to rip off each other’s clothes?”
Blaine responds, “Tearing off all of your clothes is kind of a tall order.”
“Because of the layers?”
“Because of the layers.”