Friday, where have you been all my life?! It feels like I’ve waited an eternity for you, sulking in the shadows in solitude waiting to share my very being with someone as freeing as you . . . Uh, sorry, guys. I’m still delirious from the midnight screening of Breaking Dawn Part 1. I think I still have vampire on the brain.
(Cue: not-so-subtle segue here.) Soooooo. If you’re interested in a different kind of vampire, I’d try out Paranormalcy by Kiersten White. What started as a sample on my ereader turned into a journey to purchase the hardbound copy of this hilarious and creative story. Paranormalcy is about 16 year old Evie, who has a supernatural agenda to bag-and-tag paranormal creatures for the International Paranormal Containment Agency–which also happens to be her home. With her ability to see past the disguises of paranormals, Evie comes across a shape-shifter who steers her (reluctantly) towards a magical destiny. What Evie really wants is to do normal things like buy shoes and date boys, and her longing for a normal life is the key conflict of the novel.
Let’s see where Evie and her crew fall on The Figment Scale of Awesome:
+270 for the crooked love triangle. Evie is in no way in love with either vampire or werewolf. In fact, she only has the hots for Lend (the shape-shifter), but she can’t seem to shake off her faerie ex-boyfriend, Reth, who’s constantly trying to manipulate her back into his life. You know what they say, Evie: Stalking is highest form of flattery.
-49 for being a little too pretty in pink. As a result of being secluded at the IPCA, Evie has led an atypical life. Her best friend is a mermaid, she’s doesn’t miss an episode of her favorite teen-soap opera Easton Heights (I guess that’s not very different from us), and her first job is infinitely cooler than mine was (*the bus-boy in me sighs with envy*). But in an attempt to be like any other girl, Evie is very obsessed with pink. Pink dresses. Pink phone. Even her taser (nicknamed Tasey) is pink! Pink weapons aren’t scary! (. . . Don’t tase me, though, bro.)
+126 for Lend’s wicked cool power. Okay, so if you had a shape-shifter boyfriend or girlfriend, wouldn’t you ask him/her to change into your celebrity crush every now and again? Emma Watson, guys? Ryan Gosling, ladies? You know you would absolutely exploit that–don’t even try to deny it!
-107 for being a BLEEP-ing orphan. I have to borrow Evie’s catchphrase (she doesn’t swear: she BLEEPs) to get out my frustration. I honestly can’t believe the amount of BLEEP-ing orphans running around BLEEP-ing YA books! I don’t BLEEP-ing care if it ties into thestory later, I just want Evie to have a normal BLEEP-ing life, and that requires a BLEEP-ing mother and father! *takes deep breath* I still love you, Evie. I’m sorry I BLEEP-ing yelled.
+500 for the return of ugly vampires! The vamps here don’t have great hair. They don’t sparkle under the sun. They don’t love clumsy girls they’re constantly picking up off the ground. They’re everything vampires should be–albeit adorably pathetic at times–and they’re truer to vamp nature than most other paranormal creatures we’ve seen lately!
So, I’m clearly a big fan of Paranormalcy. On our scale, it received 740 BLEEP-ing points! If you loved Buffy, you’ll love Evie. The sequel (which I think I’ll read this weekend), Supernaturally, is out in stores. And Endlessly will be out next year! Seriously, Figs, pick this series up. It’s young adult urban fantasy at it’s best!