FigLib! The Date.

Photo Credit to Aurimas Rimša

Want to build a story, stat? No one needs the hassle of actual writing when you can just plug-in and presto! Insta-story. Fill in these blanks, hit “FigLib me,” and go!

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61 thoughts on “FigLib! The Date.

  1. I’ve got an aubergine in my ear.

    Oh. My. Lady Primrose.

    It’s Easter, and you got a text from Josh, the craziest horse in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to justify lunch sometime this years?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite hat, the one your brother got you for your ball? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a lovely glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are crossing and your palms are covered in blood. You can’t let Josh see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Josh, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Josh flinches, turns, and hates. how? What went wrong?

    You find a geode. Oh, wow. You’ve got auberjine in your ear. You notice that Josh dropped a twinflower on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never gate a date to the fundraiser.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  2. Oh. My. Megatron.

    It’s Presidents’ Day, and you got a text from Miranda, the freakiest goblin shark in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to play lunch sometime this fortnight?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite armband, the one your cousin got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a delicious glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are bouncing and your palms are covered in nitroglycerin. You can’t let Miranda see you like this! You throw on some moisturizer and, just as you finish, the alarm clock rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the creepy basement. It’s Miranda, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Miranda flinches, turns, and grasps. why? What went wrong?

    You find a needle. Oh, oi. You’ve got eggplant in your earlobe. You notice that Miranda dropped a sundew on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never gate a date to the spirit week.

    Worst. Towel Day. Ever.

  3. Oh. My. Vanessa.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Jas., the Friendliest Cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to run lunch sometime this hour?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your Dad got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a beheaded glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are asking and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let Jas. see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the telephone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the kitchen. It’s Jas., waiting for you.

    You smile, and Jas. flinches, turns, and runs. Why? What went wrong?

    You find a key. Oh, Ow!. You’ve got carrot in your Nose. You notice that Jas. dropped a Hyacinth on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never gate a date to the Spirit Day.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  4. Oh. My. Zeus.

    It’s Halloween, and you got a text from Why-Should-I-Tell-You?, the bestest gerbil in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to fight lunch sometime this French Revolution?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your Mom got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a epic glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are running and your palms are covered in honey. You can’t let Why-Should-I-Tell-You? see you like this! You throw on some eyeshadow and, just as you finish, the telephone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Why-Should-I-Tell-You?, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Why-Should-I-Tell-You? flinches, turns, and runs. what? What went wrong?

    You find a coin. Oh, hey!. You’ve got carrot in your toe. You notice that Why-Should-I-Tell-You? dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a screwdriver of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Sadie Hawkins.

    Worst. Halloween. Ever.

  5. *gasps* Colleen used aubergine as well! Weird coincedences!

    Oh. My. Lord Voldemort.

    It’s Boxing day, and you got a text from Charlie McDonnell, the bravest hippogryff in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to dance lunch sometime this Victorian?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite ballet slipper, the one your twin sister who lives in California got you for your a wedding? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a valiant glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are crying and your palms are covered in unicorn tears. You can’t let Charlie McDonnell see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the cellphone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the boudoir. It’s Charlie McDonnell, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Charlie McDonnell flinches, turns, and sings. Why?? What went wrong?

    You find a ruby slippers. Oh, wow!. You’ve got aubergine in your nose. You notice that Charlie McDonnell dropped a orchid on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the talent show.

    Worst. Boxing day. Ever.

  6. Oh. My. Barack Obama.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Austin, the craziest iguana in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to be lunch sometime this autumn?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite socks, the one your grandmother got you for your bridal shower? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a green glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are jumping and your palms are covered in coffee. You can’t let Austin see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the telephone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the basement. It’s Austin, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Austin flinches, turns, and runs. why? What went wrong?

    You find a knife. Oh, holy balls!. You’ve got cucumber in your kneecap. You notice that Austin dropped a petunia on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  7. It needed to be shared

    Oh. My. Hulk.

    It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, and you got a text from James, the wittiest hagfish in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to shimmy lunch sometime this century?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite denim scarf, the one your great uncle got you for your half birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a effervescent glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are demanding and your palms are covered in mercury. You can’t let James see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the windchime rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the chimney. It’s James, waiting for you.

    You smile, and James flinches, turns, and chugs. How? What went wrong?

    You find a icicles. Oh, my stars. You’ve got artichoke in your elbow. You notice that James dropped a dandelion on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spatula of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Homecoming.

    Worst. Talk Like a Pirate Day. Ever.

  8. Oh. My. Obama.

    It’s Valentines day, and you got a text from No one…, the shiniest puppy in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to cuddle lunch sometime this minute?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite t-shirt, the one your sister got you for your prom? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a glimmering glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are chewing and your palms are covered in diet coke. You can’t let No one… see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the basement. It’s No one…, waiting for you.

    You smile, and No one… flinches, turns, and shrieks. what? What went wrong?

    You find a diamond. Oh, What the–!!!. You’ve got eggplant in your foot. You notice that No one… dropped a hydrangea on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Valentines day. Ever.

  9. Harry Styles will never love me /:

    Oh. My. Dumbledore.

    It’s Mardi Gras , and you got a text from Harry Styles, the sweetest human in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to eat lunch sometime this Victorian?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Scarf , the one your Cousin got you for your A wedding ? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Happy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are smiling and your palms are covered in tears . You can’t let Harry Styles see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the ballroom. It’s Harry Styles, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Harry Styles flinches, turns, and dances . how ? What went wrong?

    You find a mirror . Oh, Great Scott! . You’ve got Potato in your lips . You notice that Harry Styles dropped a primrose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the graduation .

    Worst. Mardi Gras . Ever.

  10. Oh. My. The Queen.

    It’s Valentines Day, and you got a text from J___, the Spookiest Koala in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to Jump lunch sometime this fortnight?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Girdle, the one your Brother got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Funny glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are bouncing and your palms are covered in grape juice. You can’t let J___ see you like this! You throw on some Mascara and, just as you finish, the Alarm Clock rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the basement. It’s J___, waiting for you.

    You smile, and J___ flinches, turns, and types. Really? What went wrong?

    You find a calculater. Oh, No. You’ve got zuccheni in your ear. You notice that J___ dropped a daisy on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spoon of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Valentines Day. Ever.

    Haha, made me laugh! Thanks Figment!

  11. Oh. My. The Hulk.

    It’s St Patrick’s Day, and you got a text from Jeff, the sweetest porcupine in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to sit lunch sometime this week?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your dad got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a peaceful glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are grabbing and your palms are covered in milk. You can’t let Jeff see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the oven timer rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the window. It’s Jeff, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Jeff flinches, turns, and kiss. where? What went wrong?

    You find a spoon. Oh, Shh. You’ve got pea in your nose. You notice that Jeff dropped a daisy on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a knife of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Spelling Bee.

    Worst. St Patrick’s Day. Ever.

  12. Oh. My. Justin.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Strider, the cutest panda in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to drive lunch sometime this 18th century?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite panties, the one your cousin got you for your Wedding? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a wanweird glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are yoohooing and your palms are covered in soda. You can’t let Strider see you like this! You throw on some Olay Sensitive Cleansing Face Wash and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Strider, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Strider flinches, turns, and says. Why?? What went wrong?

    You find a coin. Oh, Hello!. You’ve got asparagus in your penis. You notice that Strider dropped a tulip on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Black History Month Assembly.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  13. Yeah, I don’t know if CONSTANT VIGILANCE was the best choice for an interjection, but I’m feeling Harry Potterish…

    Oh. My. Voldemort.

    It’s Chanukah, and you got a text from Harry, the bestest owl in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to break lunch sometime this week?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite scarf, the one your Imma got you for your ball? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a superfluous glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are flying and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let Harry see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the telephone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the gable. It’s Harry, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Harry flinches, turns, and swims. ask? What went wrong?

    You find a coin. Oh, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!. You’ve got Brussels sprout in your leg. You notice that Harry dropped a tulip on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the pep rally.

    Worst. Chanukah. Ever.

  14. Oh. My. Albus Dumbledore.

    It’s Halloween, and you got a text from Dave, the grooviest dolphin in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to hold lunch sometime this millenium?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite hat, the one your sister got you for your wedding? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a blue glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are jumping and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let Dave see you like this! You throw on some perfume and, just as you finish, the telephone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Dave, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Dave flinches, turns, and shares. tell? What went wrong?

    You find a ring. Oh, stop. You’ve got carrot in your eye. You notice that Dave dropped a lily on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spoon of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the parent-teacher conference.

    Worst. Halloween. Ever.

  15. Oh. My. Voldemort.

    It’s Halloween, and you got a text from Leo, the bestest cheetah in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to walk lunch sometime this month?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your mom got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a purple glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are dancing and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let Leo see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Leo, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Leo flinches, turns, and freezes. why? What went wrong?

    You find a button. Oh, Wait. You’ve got carrot in your hand. You notice that Leo dropped a daisy on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Halloween. Ever.

  16. Oh. My. President.

    It’s Saint Patricks Day, and you got a text from none, the bestest cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to draw lunch sometime this future?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite scarf, the one your Mom got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a battered glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are writing and your palms are covered in smoothie. You can’t let none see you like this! You throw on some perfume and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the door. It’s none, waiting for you.

    You smile, and None flinches, turns, and loves. Hey? What went wrong?

    You find a diamond ring. Oh, what???. You’ve got carrot in your nose. You notice that none dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the assembly.

    Worst. Saint Patricks Day. Ever.

  17. Oh. My. Gandolf.

    i feel so WRONG having it have come out like this!!!
    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Ian, the sexiest Chinchilla in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to scream lunch sometime this a month?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite thong, the one your Brother got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a beautiful glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Dancing and your palms are covered in jello. You can’t let Ian see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the my cell phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Basement. It’s Ian, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Ian flinches, turns, and laughes. what?? What went wrong?

    You find a spoon. Oh, Ninjas. You’ve got Asparagus in your nose. You notice that Ian dropped a Lily on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Knife of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Dance.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  18. Oh. My. Cat.

    It’s st. Patrick’s Day, and you got a text from dust bunny, the hairiest cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to swim lunch sometime this minute?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your grandpa got you for your Halloween? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a scratchy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are licking and your palms are covered in cough syrup. You can’t let dust bunny see you like this! You throw on some eyeliner and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the basement. It’s dust bunny, waiting for you.

    You smile, and dust bunny flinches, turns, and sings. what? What went wrong?

    You find a balloon. Oh, blimey. You’ve got turnip in your big toe. You notice that dust bunny dropped a belladonna on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the lunch.

    Worst. st. Patrick’s Day. Ever.

  19. This has to be the worst one yet…

    Oh. My. Joan Jett.

    It’s Independence Day, and you got a text from Ben, the veriest wolf in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to love lunch sometime this 1980’s?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite leather jacket, the one your sister got you for your anniversary? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a resplendently glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are cutting and your palms are covered in blood. You can’t let Ben see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Ben, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Ben flinches, turns, and loves. why? What went wrong?

    You find a bullet. Oh, No!. You’ve got carrot in your heart. You notice that Ben dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a knife of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the graduation.

    Worst. Independence Day. Ever.

  20. Oh. My. Convenience store clerk. (Don’t underestimate their power.)

    It’s Botswana Independence Day, and you got a text from Make-believe Doll Face, the cheeriest Dire wolf in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to catch lunch sometime this seventy years?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite dickey, the one your brother got you for your fifth mensiversary? (Uh.) Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a schmancy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are coloring and your palms are covered in soda pop. You can’t let Make-believe Doll Face see you like this! You throw on some vaseline and, just as you finish, the fire alarm rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the foyer. It’s Make-believe Doll Face, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Make-believe Doll Face flinches, turns, and smites. How? What went wrong?

    You find a metal grate. Oh, ah. You’ve got spinach in your kneecap. You notice that Make-believe Doll Face dropped a morning glory on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the spirit week.

    Worst. Botswana Independence Day. Ever.

    (I’d be scared by the spinach in my kneecap, too.)

  21. I counted four people in total who had Barack Obama as well. And for your information, the thing I put down in the ‘beauty product’ spot actually exists. They sell it in a shop near my house.

    Oh. My. Barack Obama.

    It’s National Penguin Day, and you got a text from Freddie Mercury, the sexiest liger in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to glomp lunch sometime this thirty years?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite fedora hat , the one your Conor got you for your Live Aid, 1985? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a purdy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are banging and your palms are covered in blood. You can’t let Freddie Mercury see you like this! You throw on some ring soap for your willy and, just as you finish, the alarm system rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the secret torture chamber. It’s Freddie Mercury, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Freddie Mercury flinches, turns, and teleports . How? What went wrong?

    You find a glass eye. Oh, EEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. You’ve got dragon fruit…I mean dragon vegetable… in your uterus. You notice that Freddie Mercury dropped a an ugly flower on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the spontaneous dance party.

    Worst. National Penguin Day. Ever.

  22. Oh. My. JKR.

    It’s 4th of July, and you got a text from Um… N/A, the Triscuit-est Hippogriff in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to edit lunch sometime this Stone Age?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Robes, the one your Kt got you for your Triscuit day? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a weird glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Triscuit-ing and your palms are covered in Water mixed with Triscuits. You can’t let Um… N/A see you like this! You throw on some um… N/A and, just as you finish, the Telephone-flavored Triscuit rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Cabinet holding the Triscuits. It’s Um… N/A, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Um… N/A flinches, turns, and edits. Why? What went wrong?

    You find a Triscuit. Oh, Triscuit!. You’ve got Triscuit in your Stomach holding Triscuits. You notice that Um… N/A dropped a Triscuit flower on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Hands to eat a Triscuit of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Triscuit eating day.

    Worst. 4th of July. Ever.

  23. Oh. My. Catherine .
    It’s Fourth of July, and you got a text from Brenden Perez , the strangest Ferret in school.
    Hey, the text said. Want to shed lunch sometime this modern?
    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your cousin got you for your birthday ? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a coarse glove!
    You start panicking. Your hands are leaving and your palms are covered in liquid nitrogen . You can’t let Brenden Perez see you like this! You throw on some teeth whitener and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the back porch. It’s Brenden Perez , waiting for you.
    You smile, and Brenden Perez flinches, turns, and goes. demanded? What went wrong? You find a doorknob .
    Oh, surprise!. You’ve got eggplant in your finger. You notice that Brenden Perez dropped a Christmas cactus on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a whisk of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date tothe love day.
    Worst. Fourth of July. Ever.

  24. Oh. My. Barak Obama.

    It’s S.A.D (Singles Awareness Day), and you got a text from Nik, the darlingest platypus in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to funnel lunch sometime this millenium?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your crazy great aunt, twice removed got you for your death in the family? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a lick glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are conniving and your palms are covered in chocolate sauce. You can’t let Nik see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the diamond rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bathroom sink. It’s Nik, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Nik flinches, turns, and helps. Which? What went wrong?

    You find a sparkles. Oh, hem, hem. You’ve got eggplant in your ear. You notice that Nik dropped a daffodil on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a pen of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the school musical.

    Worst. S.A.D (Singles Awareness Day). Ever.

  25. Oh. My. Barack Obama.

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Percy Jackson, the merriest Coatamundi in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to soar lunch sometime this Edwardian England?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Camp Half-Blood T-shirt, the one your my sister got you for your The defeat of Kronos, Lord of Time, at Mount Olympus? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a kick-ass glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are salivating and your palms are covered in nectar. You can’t let Percy Jackson see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the chimes rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the storage closet. It’s Percy Jackson, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Percy Jackson flinches, turns, and swims. Why? What went wrong?

    You find a Anaklusmos. Oh, Oh Styx. You’ve got eggplant in your sea-green eyes. You notice that Percy Jackson dropped a anemone on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Valentine’s Date Dance.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  26. I just had to do it again.

    Oh. My. Neville Chamberlain.

    It’s Swing-Your-Hips-Like-Shakira Day, and you got a text from Bradley James, the most lugubrious cephalopod in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to be lunch sometime this eon?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite doublet, the one your grand-uncle’s third cousin, twice removed on his mother’s side got you for your induction into the Nerd Hall of Fame? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a hunkey-dorey glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are whistling and your palms are covered in ichor. You can’t let Bradley James see you like this! You throw on some Queen Morgaine’s Anti-itch Potion and, just as you finish, the parrot rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the dumbwaiter. It’s Bradley James, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Bradley James flinches, turns, and hops away. Aww, why does this always happen to me?? What went wrong?

    You find a window pane. Oh, Blast it, Monty Python!. You’ve got fruit leather in your teeth. You notice that Bradley James dropped a thrice-cursed violet on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a vase (pronounced like vAHSE, dummy) of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to Take-Your-Knight-to-School Day.

    Worst. Swing-Your-Hips-Like-Shakira Day. Ever.

  27. Oh. My. Benjamin Franklin.

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from YOU, the bestest wolfie in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to dream lunch sometime this hour?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite hat, the one your dog got you for your my birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a gorgeous glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are running and your palms are covered in coffee. You can’t let YOU see you like this! You throw on some eyeliner and, just as you finish, the a bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the chimney . It’s YOU, waiting for you.

    You smile, and YOU flinches, turns, and swims. what? What went wrong?

    You find a button. Oh, you!. You’ve got onion in your elbow. You notice that YOU dropped a forget-me-not on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the pep rally.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  28. Oh. My. Obama.

    It’s Saint Patrick’s Day, and you got a text from Billy Bob Joe, the soupiest platypus in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to catch lunch sometime this noon?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite pantyhose, the one your Joanna got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a gooey glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are galloping and your palms are covered in hairspray. You can’t let Billy Bob Joe see you like this! You throw on some eye lash curler and, just as you finish, the ear drums rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the coat closet. It’s Billy Bob Joe, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Billy Bob Joe flinches, turns, and smashes. what? What went wrong?

    You find a gold applesauce sculpture. Oh, hello. You’ve got crushed carrots in your nostril. You notice that Billy Bob Joe dropped a crysanthemum on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spatula of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the lock down.

    Worst. Saint Patrick’s Day. Ever.

  29. Oh. My. Michelle Obama.

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Steven, the coolest cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to run lunch sometime this hour?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite jacket, the one your Mom got you for your bat mitzvah? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a green glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are skipping and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let Steven see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Steven, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Steven flinches, turns, and washes. which? What went wrong?

    You find a necklace. Oh, Wow!. You’ve got carrot in your arm. You notice that Steven dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  30. Oh. My. God.

    It’s Valentines’ Day, and you got a text from Calen, the feminist cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to in lunch sometime this Central Era?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shorts, the one your brother got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a flamboyant glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are weeping and your palms are covered in poison. You can’t let Calen see you like this! You throw on some perfume and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the door. It’s Calen, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Calen flinches, turns, and hangs. do? What went wrong?

    You find a tin can. Oh, LOL!. You’ve got broccoli in your forearm. You notice that Calen dropped a chrysanthemum on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Super Saturday.

    Worst. Valentines’ Day. Ever.

  31. Oh. My. God.

    It’s Valentines’ Day, and you got a text from Calen, the feminist (got that adjective wrong) cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to in lunch sometime this Central Era?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shorts, the one your brother got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a flamboyant glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are weeping and your palms are covered in poison. You can’t let Calen see you like this! You throw on some perfume and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the door. It’s Calen, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Calen flinches, turns, and hangs. do? What went wrong?

    You find a tin can. Oh, LOL!. You’ve got broccoli in your forearm. You notice that Calen dropped a chrysanthemum on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Super Saturday.

    Worst. Valentines’ Day. Ever.

  32. This has got to be the worst one yet…

    Oh. My. Joan Jett.

    It’s Independence Day, and you got a text from Ben, the veriest wolf in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to love lunch sometime this 1980’s?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite leather jacket, the one your sister got you for your anniversary? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a resplendently glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are cutting and your palms are covered in blood. You can’t let Ben see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Ben, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Ben flinches, turns, and loves. why? What went wrong?

    You find a bullet. Oh, No!. You’ve got carrot in your heart. You notice that Ben dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a knife of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the graduation.

    Worst. Independence Day. Ever.
     

  33. Oh. My. JK Rowling.

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Daniel Radcliffe, the bestest tiger in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to enjoy lunch sometime this year?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite jeans, the one your Mom got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a superb glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are laughing and your palms are covered in lemonade. You can’t let Daniel Radcliffe see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the bells rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the living room. It’s Daniel Radcliffe, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Daniel Radcliffe flinches, turns, and sings. WUT?? What went wrong?

    You find a diamond. Oh, Jeez louise. You’ve got cucumber in your eyelash. You notice that Daniel Radcliffe dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a cup of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Christmas dance.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  34. Yikes, cucumber in my eyelash! XP I hate when that happens.

    “Swing-Your-Hips-Like-Shakira Day” — made my day!

  35. Oh. My. Voldemort.

    It’s Hanukkah , and you got a text from Jack Davenport, the Smexiest reindeer in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to chop up lunch sometime this past four years?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite thong with cheese on it, the one your mom got you for your wedding shower? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a moldy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are popping and your palms are covered in bleach. You can’t let Jack Davenport see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the alarm clock rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bathroom. It’s Jack Davenport, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Jack Davenport flinches, turns, and sobs. why? What went wrong?

    You find a tin foil. Oh, how could you. You’ve got asparagus in your weenus. You notice that Jack Davenport dropped a tulip on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spatula of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the assembly.

    Worst. Hanukkah . Ever.

    *note that your weenus is the skin on your elbow

  36. Oh. My. Sarah.

    It’s Sarah’s birthday, and you got a text from Daniel, the quirkiest toad in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to snorkle lunch sometime this second?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your sister got you for your dinner? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a smart glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are hiccuping and your palms are covered in tea. You can’t let Daniel see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the jingle bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the doorway. It’s Daniel, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Daniel flinches, turns, and hovers. why? What went wrong?

    You find a mirror. Oh, galloping gargoyles. You’ve got cauliflower in your hair. You notice that Daniel dropped a tulip on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the football game.

    Worst. Sarah’s birthday. Ever.

  37. Oh. My. Hamlet.

    It’s Hannukkah, and you got a text from Person [because I don’t want to give personal info], the geekiest turtle in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to stalk lunch sometime this 2 hours?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sweater, the one your mom got you for your graduation? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a bedraggled glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are washing and your palms are covered in orange juice. You can’t let Person see you like this! You throw on some Proactiv and, just as you finish, the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the cupela. It’s Person, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Person flinches, turns, and climbs. why? What went wrong?

    You find a eyeball. Oh, yet. You’ve got math vegetable in your nose. You notice that Person dropped a rue on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spoon of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the rehearsal.

    Worst. Hannukkah. Ever.

    Haha, I like it. Oh my Hamlet XD

  38. Oh. My. Darth Vader.

    It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and you got a text from That Guy, the most valiant gecko in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to slither lunch sometime this Dark Ages?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite belt, the one your brother got you for your Spring Concert? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a bad-ass glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are snowing and your palms are covered in milk. You can’t let That Guy see you like this! You throw on some magic beauty potion and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the chimney. It’s That Guy, waiting for you.

    You smile, and That Guy flinches, turns, and eats. WHY??? What went wrong?

    You find a spoon. Oh, Holy uncanny photographic mental processes, Batman!. You’ve got carrot in your shoulder. You notice that That Guy dropped a sunflower on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the band practice.

    Worst. St. Patrick’s Day. Ever.

  39. Oh. My. Oprah .

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Donny, the funniest Panda in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to do lunch sometime this hour?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite dress, the one your brother got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a magical glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are dancing and your palms are covered in chocolate milk. You can’t let Donny see you like this! You throw on some lip gloss and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Donny, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Donny flinches, turns, and runs. Who? What went wrong?

    You find a ring. Oh, Wow. You’ve got cucumber in your hand. You notice that Donny dropped a lily on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the crab feed.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  40. Oh. My. obama.

    It’s easter, and you got a text from austin, the smallest cow in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to shop lunch sometime this 1990?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite bra, the one your jesus got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a tiny glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are running and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let austin see you like this! You throw on some gel and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the kitchen. It’s austin, waiting for you.

    You smile, and austin flinches, turns, and jumos. what? What went wrong?

    You find a gold. Oh, haha!. You’ve got carrot in your nail. You notice that austin dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the dance.

    Worst. easter. Ever.

  41. hehe…this is funny!

    Oh. My. Katniss Everdeen.

    It’s My Birthday, and you got a text from None :), the Beautifullest Lizard in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to go lunch sometime this 18th century?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your Mom got you for your Dad’s day? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a nice glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are running and your palms are covered in water. You can’t let None 🙂 see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the garage. It’s None :), waiting for you.

    You smile, and None 🙂 flinches, turns, and finds. Wow? What went wrong?

    You find a ring. Oh, uh…. You’ve got carrot in your leg. You notice that None 🙂 dropped a petunia on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the p.e..

    Worst. My Birthday. Ever.

  42. Oh. My. Voldemort.

    It’s April Fool’s Day, and you got a text from Tyler, the Juiciest Inch-worm in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to To collide lunch sometime this The Golden Age?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Bra, the one your Second Cousin Twice Removed got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Sensational glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Clapping and your palms are covered in Pickle juice. You can’t let Tyler see you like this! You throw on some Hand sanitizer and, just as you finish, the Cellular telephone device rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Foundation. It’s Tyler, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Tyler flinches, turns, and Tickles. How? What went wrong?

    You find a Penny. Oh, Shhhhh. You’ve got Tomato in your Pectoral. You notice that Tyler dropped a Petunia on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Blue and gold day.

    Worst. April Fool’s Day. Ever.

  43. Oh. My. Yumechi.

    It’s Easter, and you got a text from Ore-sama, the beautifulest manticore in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to see lunch sometime this quadmillisecond?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite codpiece, the one your Nii-chan got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a orgasmic glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are slaying and your palms are covered in Mystery Fluid. You can’t let Ore-sama see you like this! You throw on some Marik Eyeliner and, just as you finish, the Death Knell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the appendix. It’s Ore-sama, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Ore-sama flinches, turns, and knows. Nan? What went wrong?

    You find a lamp. Oh, WTF. You’ve got Brussel Sprouts in your rectum. You notice that Ore-sama dropped a Morning Glory on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Bunkasai.

    Worst. Easter. Ever.

    ._. This is just…

  44. Oh. My. The Dalai Lama.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Benedict Cumberbatch, the furriest turtle in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to dance lunch sometime this Greek Golden Age?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite wimple, the one your great-aunt got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a farcical glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are squashing and your palms are covered in hydrochloric acid. You can’t let Benedict Cumberbatch see you like this! You throw on some eyeshadow and, just as you finish, the the Liberty Bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bathroom. It’s Benedict Cumberbatch, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Benedict Cumberbatch flinches, turns, and wanders. When? What went wrong?

    You find a necklace. Oh, Gadzooks!. You’ve got bok choy in your tooth. You notice that Benedict Cumberbatch dropped a gardenia on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a salad tongs of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the pep rally.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

    Oh yeah. This post has been Cumbersnatched!

  45. Oh. My. Obama.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Taylor, the prettiest cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to walk lunch sometime this 20 minutes?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite shirt, the one your Dad got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a ugly glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are running and your palms are covered in juice. You can’t let Taylor see you like this! You throw on some lipstick and, just as you finish, the cell phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the kitchen. It’s Taylor, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Taylor flinches, turns, and kills. why? What went wrong?

    You find a mirror. Oh, …. You’ve got corn in your nose. You notice that Taylor dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a pencil of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Dance.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  46. *Just for the record, I put in Bob because I didn’t want anyone to know my actual crush’s name. ;D And I randomly capitalize all the words I put in, so there IS random capitalization. :D*

    Oh. My. J. K. Rowling.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Bob, the Bestest Ocelot in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to RUN lunch sometime this The Paleozoic Era?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Pants, the one your Third Cousin Twice Removed got you for your CHRISTMAS? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Smiley glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Squeeing and your palms are covered in Water. You can’t let Bob see you like this! You throw on some Hair Spray and, just as you finish, the My ears rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Door. It’s Bob, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Bob flinches, turns, and Dogs. WHAT?? What went wrong?

    You find a *Diiiiiiiiiamond*. Oh, FRENCH THE LLAMA!. You’ve got Carrot… in your Leg. You notice that Bob dropped a Rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the the Dance.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  47. Oh. My. Zeus.

    It’s Valentine’s Day, and you got a text from Carl, the coolest turtle in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to dance lunch sometime this 17th century?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite scarf, the one your Brittni got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a amazing glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are hopping and your palms are covered in pink lemonade. You can’t let Carl see you like this! You throw on some concealer and, just as you finish, the cell phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the sun room. It’s Carl, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Carl flinches, turns, and swims. who? What went wrong?

    You find a bracelet. Oh, yo, shush. You’ve got cucumber in your nose. You notice that Carl dropped a peony on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Twin Day.

    Worst. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

  48. Now that I know what it’s supposed to look like… 😛 Crazy MadLib! 😀 er… FigLib.

    May we present The Date!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Oh. My. Kathryn Histone.

    It’s Easter, and you got a text from Oliver Carsh, the colorfullest Tiger in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to dance lunch sometime this 10 minutes?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite chain, the one your older sister got you for your party? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a great glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are singing and your palms are covered in juice. You can’t let Oliver Carsh see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the cellphone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the kitchen. It’s Oliver Carsh, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Oliver Carsh flinches, turns, and changes. which? What went wrong?

    You find a diamond ring. Oh, Hey. You’ve got broccoli in your finger. You notice that Oliver Carsh dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spoon of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Dance.

    Worst. Easter. Ever.

  49. Oh. My. Lord Voldemort.

    It’s Guy Fawkes Day, and you got a text from Tony, the sexiest lion in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to suck lunch sometime this 365 days?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite jeans, the one your great-aunt got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a whimsical glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are licking and your palms are covered in Schloer. You can’t let Tony see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the iPhone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the chimney. It’s Tony, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Tony flinches, turns, and collapses. which? What went wrong?

    You find a Dalek. Oh, Oy!. You’ve got eggplant in your brain. You notice that Tony dropped a foxglove on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a butcher’s knife of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the graduation.

    Worst. Guy Fawkes Day. Ever.

  50. Oh. My. Michelle Obama.

    It’s Saint Patricks day, and you got a text from Dakota, the high Puffin in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to do lunch sometime this Decade?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your second cousin got you for your First Communion? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a yellow glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are flying and your palms are covered in Gatorade. You can’t let Dakota see you like this! You throw on some Concealer and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the mudroom. It’s Dakota, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Dakota flinches, turns, and flies. why? What went wrong?

    You find a watch. Oh, Oh!. You’ve got eggplant in your nostril. You notice that Dakota dropped a Daffodil on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Homecoming.

    Worst. Saint Patricks day. Ever.

  51. (Just so you know, Zane is a character from a book)

    It’s Um, there aren’t a lot of holidays in Uglies, so I guess I’ll go with Reaping Day, and you got a text from Zane, the ugliest rabbit in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to hoverboard lunch sometime this 300 years from now?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite bungee jacket, the one your Crumblies got you for your 16th birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a pretty glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are falling and your palms are covered in saline. You can’t let Zane see you like this! You throw on some eyeliner and, just as you finish, the interface ring rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Zane, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Zane flinches, turns, and cries. WHAT?!? What went wrong?

    You find a antenna. Oh, Bubbly!. You’ve got cauliflower is not broccoli in your face. You notice that Zane dropped a orchid on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Rusty Ruins trip.

    Worst. Um, there aren’t a lot of holidays in Uglies, so I guess I’ll go with Reaping Day. Ever

  52. Oh. My. Jackie Alison.

    It’s None, and you got a text from Peeta Mellark, the Brightest Fish in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to read lunch sometime this 1952?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Dress, the one your Sister got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Shy glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Sitting and your palms are covered in milk. You can’t let Peeta Mellark see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the roof. It’s Peeta Mellark, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Peeta Mellark flinches, turns, and bakes. Do IT!? What went wrong?

    You find a diamond. Oh, IDK. You’ve got carrot in your Arm. You notice that Peeta Mellark dropped a Rue on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Knive of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Dance.

    Worst. None. Ever

  53. Oh. My. Scarlett O’Hara.

    It’s Anniversary, and you got a text from Terence, the sexiest silly bear in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to to despair lunch sometime this 1 hour?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite fuzzy socks, the one your husband got you for your Wedding? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a purple glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are kissing and your palms are covered in Semen. You can’t let Terence see you like this! You throw on some lotion and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Terence, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Terence flinches, turns, and jumps. WHY?? What went wrong?

    You find a prayer box. Oh, but. You’ve got Yam in your Elbow. You notice that Terence dropped a Plumeria on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a chopstick of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Anniversary. Ever.

  54. Oh my. XD

    Oh. My. Adriana.

    It’s Halloween, and you got a text from Jesse, the Scariest Cat in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to go lunch sometime this Five minutes?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Dress, the one your Mother got you for your Party? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Funny glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Running and your palms are covered in Blood. You can’t let Jesse see you like this! You throw on some Eyeshadow and, just as you finish, the Phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Bedroom. It’s Jesse, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Jesse flinches, turns, and Hangs. What? What went wrong?

    You find a Diamond. Oh, Hey. You’ve got Carrot in your Leg. You notice that Jesse dropped a Rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Test.

    Worst. Halloween. Ever.

  55. My whole family and I DIED laughing.

    Oh. My. Goodness.

    It’s Kwanza, and you got a text from Micah, the glitziest kangaroo in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to blow bubbles lunch sometime this second?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite nose ring, the one your Great uncle’s fifth cousin twice removed got you for your your first published novel? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a oozing glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are waltzing and your palms are covered in nitroglycerin. You can’t let Micah see you like this! You throw on some deep magenta glitter gel and, just as you finish, the cowbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the nursery. It’s Micah, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Micah flinches, turns, and dances. But why, Watson?? What went wrong?

    You find a glass pointe shoe. Oh, Oish!. You’ve got kale in your toenail. You notice that Micah dropped a stinkweed on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Recess.

    Worst. Kwanza. Ever.

  56. Oh. My. Gosh.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Harry, the hottest guy in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to get lunch sometime this weekend?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite dress, the one your sister got you for your gala? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a white glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are sweating and your palms are covered in wetness. You can’t let Harry see you like this! You throw on some mascara and, just as you finish, the bell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the door. It’s Harry, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Harry flinches, turns, and runs away. How? What went wrong?

    You find a mirror. Oh, dagnabit. You’ve got carrot in your teeth. You notice that Harry dropped a rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a glass of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Christmas Ball.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

    Lol. I must admit I got a bit clever on this one since it actually makes sense…

  57. Wow…

    Oh. My. Boss.

    It’s Christmas, and you got a text from Ethan, the Fastest Wolf in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to To walk lunch sometime this Two weeks?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite Leather jacket, the one your Mom got you for your Birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a Dull glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are Laughing and your palms are covered in Soda. You can’t let Ethan see you like this! You throw on some Eyeshadow and, just as you finish, the Phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the Bedroom. It’s Ethan, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Ethan flinches, turns, and Hides. Who? What went wrong?

    You find a Ring. Oh, Crud. You’ve got Carrots in your Head. You notice that Ethan dropped a Rose on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a Fork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the Graduation.

    Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  58. Oh. My. Yoda.

    It’s Halloween, and you got a text from No One, the ugliest ferret in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to die lunch sometime this midnight?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite underwear, the one your dad got you for your birthday? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a weird glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are dying and your palms are covered in liquid nitrogen. You can’t let No One see you like this! You throw on some lotion and, just as you finish, the doorbell rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bathroom. It’s No One, waiting for you.

    You smile, and No One flinches, turns, and dies. what? What went wrong?

    You find a mirror. Oh, bugger. You’ve got lettuce in your ear. You notice that No One dropped a skunk cabbage on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spoon of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the prom.

    Worst. Halloween. Ever.

    lololol. this was hilarious!

  59. Oh. My. Rowling.

    It’s Bastille Day, and you got a text from Aaron Tveit, the strangest hippogriff in school.

    Hey, the text said. Want to fly lunch sometime this 525600 minutes?

    Um, duh! But, what were you going to wear? Your favorite sock, the one your first cousin twice removed got you for your funeral? Or, how about those new jeans? They fit you like a morbid glove!

    You start panicking. Your hands are killing and your palms are covered in felix felices. You can’t let Aaron Tveit see you like this! You throw on some make up and, just as you finish, the phone rings. You jerk upright and sprint for the bedroom. It’s Aaron Tveit, waiting for you.

    You smile, and Aaron Tveit flinches, turns, and poses. why? What went wrong?

    You find a ring. Oh, jeez. You’ve got asparagus in your elbow. You notice that Aaron dropped a poppy on the front porch. You pick it up, and put it in a spork of water, then turn and head to your room. Now you’ll never get a date to the graduation.

    Worst. Bastille Day. Ever.

    I wish I sweated felix felices…

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