Season 3, Episode 13, “Heart”
If you don’t understand why this
is a totally understandable thing, you might want to check out last week’s gleecap.
Yes. There is nothing I love more than petty high school romance. (Besides absoluteforeverandevertruelove high school romance. Looking at you, Finn and Rachel, you crazy kids.) So this Valentine’s episode was only made more awesome by the appearance of Glee Project co-winner Samuel as Joe, the hippie, home-schooled, Jesus-loving, sandal-wearing, I-named-each-one-of-my-dreads-after-a-book-in-the-bible-ing, guitar-playing, he-of-the-dreamy-green-eyes-being… Lost my train of thought. Dang, he’s cute.
The episode starts with Artie and Rory going mano el mano (last week’s episode taught me mas bueno-ly) over Sugar, whose insanity has never been better showcased. She’s renting out Breadstix (the only restaurant in Lima, apparently) for a Valentine’s Day blow-out! The only rule is that no single people may attend. According to Sugar, “They’re sad.” Except that, at the end? Everyone from glee club is present, single or not. Because, plot continuity: who needs it? Glee does. Desperately.
Artie and Rory are playing the one upping game. Artie serenades Sugar with “Let Me Love You” and looks like the victor, but then Rory plays the “I’m going to be deported” card and gets the girl. Don’t get your hopes up, though. It looks like deportation was just a ploy.
Kurt keeps getting valentines from his secret admirer (who delivers via gorilla gram, as one does). He assumes it is from Blaine (as if Blaine would deliver via gorilla gram) when, at the Sugar Shack (neé Breadstix), it is revealed that his admirer is…
KAROFSKY! Who says he’s not out at his new school, and then immidiately gets outed by someone from his school who overheard Karofsky’s confession.
The God Squad (Mercedes, Sam, Quinn, and Joe) acts as singing valentines for McKinley. This results in an awesome cover of “Stereo Hearts” with Sam adapting the rapped line “Travie, I can handle that” to “Trouty, I can handle that.” So much yes. All the yes.
Santana is all, “Interesting–God Squad, was it? How about you sing a vocal valentine to my lesbian girlfriend. Problems?” Which for a hot second made it seem like Joe was going to be the new big bad, but at the end he’s all “Love is love, man.” I’m sure his religion is going to cause some conflict at *some* point, but as long as he doesn’t end up romantically tied to Quinn, or Rachel, or Sugar, or Tina, or anyone who isn’t me, I’ll be all right.
The discussion where the God Squad sorts out its stance on gay people was pure hilarity. Mercedes notes, “They say one out of every ten people are gay,” (Try and ignore the grammar fail. I couldn’t) “and if that’s true, that means one of the twelve apostles might have been gay. And my guess is Simon, ’cause that name’s the gayest.” Quinn adds, “Jesus never said anything about gay people. That’s a fact.” To which Sam adds, “Well, maybe he wanted to, but he didn’t want to hurt Simon’s feelings?” Too much yes to handle. Cannot handle the yes.
Mercedes came clean to Shane about kissing Sam, which lead to a tearful performance of “I Will Always Love You.”
Glee! Too. Soon.
You know the writers were in a cold SWEAT when they found out that Whitney Houston died. I like to think a big, red panic button was about to be pushed that would have detonated that particular five minutes of footage and replaced it with gratuitous shots of Klaine cuddling. There was a title card tacked after the episode, paying homage to the recently-departed Queen of Pop. “We will always love you.” Yes, Glee. Yes.