This week on Modern Family, Gloria’s mother and sister come to visit, Lily gets snarky, and Phil goes on a “hug-icidal rampage!”
We finally get a glimpse into Gloria’s otherwise cartoonish background, only to find it’s even more cartoonish than we could have imagined. There’s a mother wielding a family gun, a down-and-out sister, and a history of sabotage that we didn’t know Gloria had in her. The most interesting part was getting to see Jay interact with Gloria’s mother, who’s basically his peer. It makes total sense that the mother doesn’t like Jay; she thinks he sees what he wants and takes it. Upon realizing that he can’t win her over (he’s basically “Phil” to her), Jay makes a grand gesture. Jay allows his baby to be baptized with Gloria’s family’s traditional name: Fulgencio. Welp, I guess he’s going to be one of those people who puts a first initial in front of his less cumbersome middle name.
Throughout the course of the episode, more and more ways are revealed in which Gloria has stolen her sister Sonia’s opportunities for a better, wealthier LA life. When a letter came to their house in Colombia offering a job in the States for one person, Gloria took it… even though it was addressed to her sister. Sonia instead stayed in Colombia, enduring the hardships of a third-world lifestyle. At the baby’s baptism, Jay decides to tell the story of how he and Gloria met. Jay sent pie to a pretty girl at a restaurant, and Gloria came over to talk. But, Jay says, he initially meant it for the girl sitting across from her: Sonia. By the end of the episode, Gloria feels so bad (and Sonia makes such a soap opera-y scene) that she promises to put Sonia up in her own house and give her clothes and shoes. I mean, you can give a man fish and he’ll eat for a day, or you can teach him to fish … well, I guess Sonia probably already knows how to fish.
I thought it was pretty gross that Sonia got so upset that she couldn’t marry Jay. They didn’t seem to have developed any kind of affection for each other — this was strictly about money. I’d like to think Gloria and Jay have something deeper than that. I’d really like to.
Meanwhile, Lily has been dishing out snarky comments to Mitchell and Cam. The men make a huge attempt to set a good example and be nicer/more sincere around Lily, but their refusal to make biting remarks about a friend’s perm gets them disinvited from a party. By the end of the episode, they discover who’s really been teaching Lily to talk like that: Claire. Okay, they can all go back to being caustically funny. Phew!
Phil and the kids have a talk about how the kids always go to Claire to solve their problems because the kids think she’s the one who gets things done. Phil decides the kids should see someone get what they want by killing with kindness (as opposed to going on the offensive like Claire does), so he embarks on a — wait for it — “hug-icidal rampage.” YES! Of course, he ends up messing things up for his children even more. Luke’s bully now has new ammo from his victim’s dad’s dorky phrasing. Haley’s lesbian employer has been insulted by Phil leaving a message offering for the two to have a “boys’ night.” And Alex gets un-invited from a party. (Maybe she should hang with her uncles.) However, Phil and Luke switch tactics, and during the baptism, when Phil’s being sworn in (?) as a godfather, Luke’s out pulling some Godfather-like revenge stunts of his own. Which is how we get this macro:
Photos: ABC’s Modern Family