6 Possible Reasons Valentine’s Day Exists

Valentine’s Day is a strange holiday—it doesn’t stem from any historic national event or commemorate a particular religious occurrence. I know there’s that whole Hallmark conspiracy, but I asked them, and they didn’t do it. So why does Valentine’s Day exist? Here are some theories.

To commemorate the special relationship
between two romantically-involved individuals

Because everyone knows two people in a relationship love nothing more than public displays of relationshipy-ness. Yeah, maybe at one point this was a reason to celebrate, but now we have Facebook, where every day is, “Hello, World, I’m In Love! Day” for bfs/gfs. Hmm . . .

Victoria’s Secret’s PINK line
needed a boost in the first quarter

Those PINK clothes are kind of annoying. Does PINK stand for something? Why is it yelling at us? How does the s!nger of the same name feel about !t? I have a feeling people weren’t buying enough cheeky pajama bottoms one year, so the Victoria’s Secret at the mall talked to the Mrs. Fields next door to work together to rebrand the color as a whole concept/month of relevant merchandise.

February’s pretty cold,
and people want arms around them

Throughout the ages, humans have created rituals to alleviate natural suffering, and rituals spawn explanatory myths because telling stories is more fun than whining. These past few weeks, I’ve been cold all the time, and I could use an excuse for some body heat. I bet Ug (founder of the hUg?) felt the same way.

To make single people feel bad,
so they take steps toward procreating

Along those same lines, everyone wants their tribe to grow. If you make single people feel bad by not giving them sugar candy and frosted cookies, they’ll feel like they’re doing something wrong. They didn’t know hanging out alone or with friends meant they were lacking anything . . . until society pointed it out. So every February, they’re reminded to pair up, receive flowers/cookies/warm chocolate cake, and make babies!

As a promotion for the 2010 movie, Valentine’s Day

How else would we find an excuse to get Taylor Lautner, Bradley Cooper, Topher Grace, Patrick Dempsey, and Jamie Foxx all in the same movie?

SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR

Erm, who doesn’t like sugar, processed foods, and compliments? Might as well have a day dedicated to receiving all these things. But that “holiday” has to vaguely involve other people (see also: Thanksgiving), otherwise we’d just be calling it St. Fatty’s Day.

Actually, I’d be down to put that one on my calendar.

Why else do you think Valentine’s Day was created? Let us know in the comments!

Photos: “Victoria’s Secret Pink Store” by WestportWiki; “Candy Hearts” by Seelensturm

4 thoughts on “6 Possible Reasons Valentine’s Day Exists

  1. I love how the first reason is followed by the reason that Victoria’s Secret needs advertisement.

    Sweet reason, then manipulating reason… 0_o

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