How to Deal With an Internet-less Vacation

Computer_keyboardWhether you’re at your grandparents’ house, a remote cabin or a stuffy hotel with overpriced WiFi/no signal, you may end up off the grid when you don’t want to be. Here are some ways to cope.

Play Kick the Can

Kick the CanThis seems like an obvious choice. No Internet? Why not double down on the pre-technology theme and kick a can?! I don’t know what the rules are, but you could Google ‘em. But Google ‘em now before you end up without Internet, doye. Presumably, you only need a can and some space to kick it. (Slight variation: play that stick and hoop game. Again, no clue how it works, but I bet you can figure it out.)

Carry Around an Encyclopedia

Encyclopedia_Britannica_seriesAnd not a pocket encyclopedia. You need the biggest encyclopedia you can find, because you will be a human Wikipedia. When someone asks, “Ack, what is the capital of Bulgaria?!” you can consult your handy encyclopedia and provide the answer! First tip: Make sure your bag/purse can withstand the weight of the book. It’d be awful to end up both world wide web-less AND satchel-less. Second tip: If you want to carry an Encyclopedia Britannica set, bring a small wagon for easy transport.

 Hibernate

HibernateYes, bears hibernate during the winter. But this is your equivalent of winter. The world feels so cold without the interweb! Be sure to pack your favorite pajamas and a sleep mask. To prep, eat a bunch of hearty meals in one day. If you think you might be sick, you’re doing it correctly. Then, when you can’t eat any more potatoes, hop into your PJs, put on your mask, hang a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign, crawl into your vacation bed and go to sleep. You may want to set an alarm to make sure you wake up when your trip is over.

 Bring a Guitar and Mope

GuitarDon’t bother using this opportunity to teach yourself how to play guitar. Instead, carry an acoustic guitar around (you can get an inexpensive one from a toy store) and strum one chord. Over and over. That alone won’t do the trick. Be sure to look as dejected as possible. And sigh.You’ve [temporarily] lost the Internet, so you have some serious feelings. Added bonus: this will drive everyone around you bonkers, so you’ll totally get your point across.

 Dig a Hole

ShovelsFind some soft soil. Find a shovel. Dig a hole for the duration of the trip. You’ll want to wear some work gloves to prevent serious blisters. Maybe you’ll find treasure, maybe you’ll unearth an undiscovered dinosaur species, maybe you’ll find a path to China, maybe you’ll end up at the center of the Earth. Most likely, you’ll dig a giant, pointless hole. You know what they say: time flies when you’re digging a hole!

 Write Letters to the Internet

Write a LetterTake your emotions to pen and paper and write letters to the web. And then mail the notes. Address the envelopes to “The Internet.” It should work. Let the Internet know how much it means to you, and how you never truly appreciate what you have until it’s gone.

Keyboard image by Gflores; Can image by Sun Ladder; Encyclopedia image by Surya Prakash.S.A.; Shovel image by Angie from Sawara, Chiba-ken, Japan; Letter image by Petar Milošević

8 thoughts on “How to Deal With an Internet-less Vacation

  1. Hahaha okay the last 2 or 3–the best. 🙂 Address letters to The Internet. It should work. 😀 Love it! (And I bet the numbers of people googling “Kick the Can” have gone up since this post!)

  2. One person or a team of people is designated as “it” and a can or similar object—paint can or metal pail or bucket—is placed in an open space: the middle of a backyard, a green, a cove or cul de sac, parking lot or street. The other players run off and hide while “it” covers his or her eyes and counts to a previously decided number. “It” then tries to find and tag each of the players. Any player who is tagged (caught and touched) is sent to the holding pen (jail) which is simply a designated area for all the captured players to congregate, generally in plain sight of the can. Any player who has not been caught can “kick the can” or “tip the can”. If they can do this without being caught, then all of the captured players are set free.Alternatively, one of the captured players is set free each time the can is Tipped—the first person caught is the first to be set free, the second caught the second to be set free, etc. until the person Tipping the can is tagged or all the captured players are freed. If “it” catches all of the players he or she wins that round and generally a new “it” is designated for the next round. The new “it” is usually the person that has been held the longest by the time round ends.

    Ahem. Yes.

  3. You could always take a pencil or pen and notebook and write the old fashioned way, weather it’s a story, or poetry, or a letter to a friend. If you have a smart phone with internet access you can use it to check facebook or twitter or whatever you use. Or take your tablet or laptop and have tons of games that don’t require internet. Just a few suggestions.

  4. Kick the Can…I remember that game! I use to play it with my brothers and cousins at family reunions…After we got in trouble for convincing all the younger kids that very ridiculous things were true…Good times.

  5. The place we’re staying at has a typewriter- jackpot! But for the remainder of my vacation, I will be digging holes and kicking cans.

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