Play Kick the Can
This seems like an obvious choice. No Internet? Why not double down on the pre-technology theme and kick a can?! I don’t know what the rules are, but you could Google ‘em. But Google ‘em now before you end up without Internet, doye. Presumably, you only need a can and some space to kick it. (Slight variation: play that stick and hoop game. Again, no clue how it works, but I bet you can figure it out.)
Carry Around an Encyclopedia
And not a pocket encyclopedia. You need the biggest encyclopedia you can find, because you will be a human Wikipedia. When someone asks, “Ack, what is the capital of Bulgaria?!” you can consult your handy encyclopedia and provide the answer! First tip: Make sure your bag/purse can withstand the weight of the book. It’d be awful to end up both world wide web-less AND satchel-less. Second tip: If you want to carry an Encyclopedia Britannica set, bring a small wagon for easy transport.
Yes, bears hibernate during the winter. But this is your equivalent of winter. The world feels so cold without the interweb! Be sure to pack your favorite pajamas and a sleep mask. To prep, eat a bunch of hearty meals in one day. If you think you might be sick, you’re doing it correctly. Then, when you can’t eat any more potatoes, hop into your PJs, put on your mask, hang a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign, crawl into your vacation bed and go to sleep. You may want to set an alarm to make sure you wake up when your trip is over.
Bring a Guitar and Mope
Don’t bother using this opportunity to teach yourself how to play guitar. Instead, carry an acoustic guitar around (you can get an inexpensive one from a toy store) and strum one chord. Over and over. That alone won’t do the trick. Be sure to look as dejected as possible. And sigh.You’ve [temporarily] lost the Internet, so you have some serious feelings. Added bonus: this will drive everyone around you bonkers, so you’ll totally get your point across.
Dig a Hole
Find some soft soil. Find a shovel. Dig a hole for the duration of the trip. You’ll want to wear some work gloves to prevent serious blisters. Maybe you’ll find treasure, maybe you’ll unearth an undiscovered dinosaur species, maybe you’ll find a path to China, maybe you’ll end up at the center of the Earth. Most likely, you’ll dig a giant, pointless hole. You know what they say: time flies when you’re digging a hole!
Write Letters to the Internet
Take your emotions to pen and paper and write letters to the web. And then mail the notes. Address the envelopes to “The Internet.” It should work. Let the Internet know how much it means to you, and how you never truly appreciate what you have until it’s gone.