Worst Snacks to Bring Into a Movie Theatre

TheaterNot endorsing sneaking snacks into theatres, nor admitting to ever stuffing my purse full of Twizzlers Nibs, but this is a thing that happens. And if you were to do this, please don’t lug any of the following into the cinema. Because if you’re going to be a theatre criminal, the least you can do is be considerate.

Corn Nuts

Corn NutsHoly cannoli.Corn Nuts have to be the loudest and smelliest snack available at a gas station. And fellow moviegoers don’t deserve to be subjected to this. While Corn Nuts are delicious, they’re disgusting to everyone not eating them. You’re better off snacking on manure; while fertilizer reeks, it doesn’t make any noise.

Tuna Fish

TunaAnytime I eat tuna in my apartment, the smell lingers for days. I open the windows, I light candles and I clean. Somehow, the stench resiliently sticks to the carpet and furniture and I give up. Now, imagine what that will do to an enclosed, windowless, upholstered and carpeted theatre. Not only will you assault the olfactory organs of everyone in the movie with you, but future attendees will be unfairly punished as well.

An Entire Tiramisu

TiramisuTiramisu is one of the most delicious desserts on the planet, and to smuggle one into a movie and not share is cruel. Put yourself in everyone else’s shoes; you’re enjoying a matinee when some clown shamelessly chows down on tiramisu for two hours. Your Junior Mints suddenly taste like cardboard and you’re racked with envy. To quote The Lottery, “It isn’t fair! It isn’t right!”

Anything Involving a Foreman Grill

George Foreman GrillIf you waltz into a movie theatre with a pile of uncooked meat and a battery-powered George Foreman Grill, you’ve got to reevaluate your life. No one is going to be able to pay attention to the movie because they’ll be too concerned with your backyard barbeque shenanigans.

 A Can of Lima Beans

Lima BeansThis one is personal. One time, I sat next to a woman who ate an entire container of boiled lima beans during Zero Dark Thirty. The pungent stench, the constant clanging of the fork against the container and the passive-aggressive healthy snacking drove me nuts.  Granted, only we individuals sitting on either side of this woman were impacted by her choice. But if your snack gets under even one person’s skin, you’ve made a terrible mistake.

 A Hand-Blender’d Smoothie

I don’t care if a hand-blender can fit into your satchel. Don’t bring it to a movie theatre with the intent to blend. Smoothies are delicious, but it’d be way easier to make one beforehand and carry it in with you than to pack a bunch of fruits, fro-yo and ice and make it during the opening credits of the flick. Also, it would be SO noisy and obnoxious.  Like, stop it. Just stop it.

Images: Movie Theater: Fernado de Sousa; Tuna: Daniel Case; Tiramisu: Markus; George Foreman Griil: Zeamays; Lima Beans: emily Carlin; Mixer: Tzuhsun Hsu

9 thoughts on “Worst Snacks to Bring Into a Movie Theatre

  1. I went to the midnight premiere of Star Trek 2…and saw three guys smuggling in utility belts full of McDonald’s hamburgers! I’d like to see how well that went over in the dark!

  2. Once my friend and I went to Panera’s before a movie and she (without telling me) snuck a blueberry bagel and cream cheese into the theater! She sat there during the previews and put the cream cheese on it!

  3. *grins* Since I have obviously not done this recently (like, definitely not Sunday with a Trader Joe’s chocolate bar), I found this quite hilarious!! Those snacks xD I’m laughing quite hard :3

  4. I have a good one my friend once brought with here: (cold)waffles.
    Delicious, no noise, and when they’re cold there is hardly any smell 🙂

  5. Skittles work to. Nothing that goes crunch though – that drives me personally up the wall when I’m in a theatre trying to watch a movie and someone somewhere is eating something that crunches.

    Nothing personal to any of you of course.

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